First, Foster, and Forever

As we approach the first anniversary of becoming a family of 3, I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the two families that loved Lily long before Tony and I were united with her.

There is no doubt in our minds that the reason Lily’s transition to her Forever Family has gone so smoothly is because of the love and care Lily received while she was in China. We have heard horror stories of children in China that spend the first months/years of their lives languishing without love, physical contact, or human interaction. Thankfully, that was obviously not the case with Lily.

From the moment we met Lily she was able to make and maintain eye contact, she was affectionate, and laughed and smiled easily. For this (and a million other reasons) Tony and I are eternally grateful to the people who cared for and loved Lily before we were able to.

Since we have been home we have heard repeatedly from other adoptive families and people from China how lucky we are that Lily is from Hubei Province. Apparently, Hubei is known for truly loving their children. Based on our experience we whole-heartedly agree!

We will never know the exact circumstances surrounding Lily’s birth. What we do know is that China has a One Child policy. As a result, birth families can be penalized for having “over quota” children. We also know that birth families are not permitted to make adoption plans for children, that for whatever reason, they are unable to raise. That does not leave a birth family with many options.

Many birth families are forced to “abandon” their children. While it is true that some children are truly abandoned where they will never be found many birth families place their children in locations where they will be readily found and cared for. Thank God, that is the choice that Lily’s First Family made. At great risk to themselves, Lily’s First Family bundled her up and placed her at the orphanage gates where she was easily found. If they had been caught doing this their punishment could have been severe. For this selfless act of love and bravery Tony and I are eternally grateful.

On the same day that Lily’s First Family placed her at the orphanage gates she entered foster care. Unfortunately, Tony and I do not have many details about Lily’s Foster Family. From the little bit we learned during our trip to the orphanage we believe that Lily’s Foster mother was one of the orphanage workers. We believe that Lily spent her days at the orphanage with her Foster mother and then went home with her in the evenings.

What we do know without a doubt is that Lily received incredible care from her Foster Family. We had been warned by our agency that when we were united with Lily she may have scabies, intestinal parasites, be dirty, resist affection, avoid eye contact, have significant emotional and developmental delays, and a host of other unpleasant possibilities. Quite the opposite was true. Lily was freshly bathed, in a precious outfit, and smiled at Tony and me within the first few minutes. It was obvious that Lily’s Foster Family took amazing care of her and loved her deeply even though they knew she could not stay with them. Like with Lily’s First Family, we are so amazed by this selfless act of love.

I pray that somehow Lily’s First Family and Foster Family know that her Forever Family loves her beyond measure. We are so incredibly grateful for the love and sacrifices these two families made in order to make our family possible. I wish there was some way we could thank them. But, how could we possibly thank the people who literally held our heart in their hands?

We read books about adoptive families and talk to Lily on a high level about how we became a family through adoption. When it is appropriate, Tony and I will share with Lily more about her First Family and Foster Family and make sure that she knows that she was truly and deeply loved long before she was united with us...her Forever Family.