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We had a wonderful...sugar filled...day celebrating Easter.
First thing when Lily woke up yesterday she asked me if Easter Sunday had already happened. Apparently, Lily had a dream that she found her Easter basket hidden in the toy basket in the Living Room and had eaten all the candy.
After I assured Lily that it was just a dream she ran right down the stairs and looked in her toy basket. It was obvious that Lily was a bit disappointed to discover her Easter basket was, in fact, not in the toy basket.
The disappointment was short lived. It took Lily an additional 7 seconds to find her Easter Basket on the top shelf of the corner cabinet. The Easter bunny is going to have to work a lot harder next year to find a better hiding spot!
After Lily found her Easter basket...and ate off the rabbit's ears...we had a nutritious breakfast. I mean, seriously, if ever there was a day that screamed for a healthy breakfast it's Easter. Right? So, why I chose to make buttermilk chocolate chip pancakes...I can't explain. Perhaps I thought Lily wouldn't have enough chocolate the rest of the day??? Sometimes I frighten me.
Note to self - no chocolate for breakfast next Easter!
After we had breakfast we headed to church where each child was given a tub of cotton candy. Are you kidding me??? Eegads!
Note to self - make Lily a dental appointment!
After church we came back home and had an Easter egg hunt. Yep, you guessed it. There was candy in the eggs!
Then Nai Nai came over and brought Lily a bag filled with Easter gifts...including...chocolate!
Once we had Lily all good and sugared up we headed to Aunt Patti and Uncle Dave's. Lily was so hyper we just had her run along side the car. :+)
Lily had been looking forward to the Easter egg hunt at Aunt Patti's for weeks. Lily had the opportunity to go to several different Easter egg hunts in the weeks leading up to Easter and opted not to go because "Aunt Patti and Uncle Dave's Easter Egg hunts are the best."
Uncle Dave always does an amazing job hiding the eggs. If you think I'm kidding you ought to see the 17 and 18 year olds out there searching...getting frustrated...and finally...finding the eggs. It's too funny!
Unfortunately, most of the eggs Lily found had money in them and not candy. Wait. That's not unfortunate. What am I saying??? Oh no...I'm starting to think like a certain 4 year old I know!!
Note to self - Money is good!
Not to worry, to top off Lily's dietary intake for the day she had a slice of chocolate cake after dinner.
Normally, Lily doesn't eat a lot of sweets. And, truth be told, she didn't really have all that many sweets yesterday. However, what she did eat made quite a big impact on her and Lily didn't like it.
On our way home from Aunt Patti's Lily told me she was feeling "kind of jazzy." I told her it was probably from all the sweets she had eaten during the day. Lily then said, "I don't ever want to eat that much sugar again." I kind of chuckled and then she said, "Mama, this is crazy! I just feel like I want to unbuckle and dance even though we're driving!"
Kind of crazy - indeed!
Not only is today Easter, it's also Sadie's 19th birthday!!
Somehow, during the past 19 years, Sadie missed the whole...you're not allowed to cross state lines...much less the Mississippi River...if you're a member of our family.
That small oversight led to Sadie attending college in Montana. Crazy. I know. Oh, and also kinda cool.
Speaking of cool, Sadie spent her birthday at Yellow Stone National Park. I think this will be a birthday to remember!
If I weren't so jealous I might actually forgive the whole crossing state lines thing.
Happy Birthday, sweetheart! We love you and can't wait for you to come home!!
Speaking of cousins, and on a much lighter note than my last two posts, Lily had the opportunity for some impromptu quality cousin time on Tuesday.
James was home visiting for the day and Lily, James, and I went out to breakfast. Lily was incredibly excited to have breakfast with James...but she was quiet as a mouse. Trust me...Lily is not quiet as a mouse very often!
There was a good reason Lily was being so quiet. She was thinking, plotting, and scheming about her plans for after breakfast. You see, Lily DESPERATELY wanted James to come back to our house to play with her Geo Trax.
Because James is an all around great guy...and still a kid at heart...he happily agreed to come over for a little Geo Trax fun.
Remember that quiet little girl I was telling you about at breakfast? Well, she vanished quickly when James and she started playing with her trains!
Oh my!! Come to think of it...James always seems to bring out a decibel level in Lily that we don't hear very often (Thank God!).
Lily had so, so much fun playing with James and I think James had fun too!
After James left Lily said to me, "Mommy, I think James is kinda magic."
"Hmmm...really, honey. Why?"
"Because he's kinda crazy and he makes me crazy too!"
I think Lily hit the nail on the head!!
I vividly remember feeling sorry for Lily that she wouldn't have cousins close to her own age.
I still have so many happy memories of the times I spent with my cousins. Sleepovers, vacations, elaborate talent shows, and whispered confidences are some of my favorite childhood memories.
While Lily will not have those type of memories, she will have memories of how much she adored her BIG cousins and how much they loved their little cousin.
That most definitely is kinda magic!
I always appreciate when my cousin, Eileen, comments on my posts. I enjoy her humor, her insight, and her perspective as a fellow adoptive mom.
After Eileen's comment on the post below it got me thinking...even more.
I agree with Eileen 100%. If you ask almost anybody on the planet (including me) there is at least one thing about their appearance they would change. Perhaps, they wish their nose was smaller, their breasts were bigger, or _______________ fill in the blank.
I just think what Lily is experiencing is not that "simple". Don't get me wrong, I know that the day will come when Lily will spend hours looking in the mirror wishing she could change some physical attribute that is perfect just the way it is.
Right now Lily is struggling with her racial/cultural identity in her very white world.
Lily has said to me on more than one ocassion, "I like it better when I'm not the only one that looks like me."
Oh, how that hurts this Mama's heart.
Lily is not talking about her height, or weight, or length of hair. Lily is talking about her "Asian-ness" amidst all the "White-ness".
I think what Lily wants more than anything is to just blend in...to be inconspicuous.
You know what works to Lily's disadvantage at being inconspicuous? Her precious personality!
Seriously.
We rarely go anywhere where Lily doesn't charm the people around us. Inevitably that leads to a conversation something like this:
"She's so cute. Where was she born?" or
"Oh, what a sweetie. Where's she from?" or
"Wow, she's so smart. Is she adopted?"
You get the idea.
I think some of Lily's questions and comments about the color of her skin, the shape of her eyes, the color of her hair, etc. are related to questions she is asked by her friends.
I don't think any of Lily's friends are being intentionally hurtful. They're just curious...and you know...with 4 and 5 year olds...inquiring minds need to know!
Couple all of these things together with Lily's naturally inquisitive personality and it makes for some interesting questions and discussions.
I have shared with Lily that I had never experienced being a minority until I was 41 years old and travelled to China to be united with her. For 3 weeks, with the exception of my husband and our travel group, I was surrounded by people who did not look like me.
Honestly, I did not feel entirely comfortable about my "white-ness" amidst all the "Asian-ness". Even though I was "prepared" it was still quite a culture shock.
The difference between my experience and Lily's? I was in my 40's and I was only in that environment for 3 weeks.
Lily will have to learn to navigate her world as a minority, most likely, for the rest of her life. As her mother, I want to do everything I can to make sure she is properly equipped.
Now, I just have to figure out what that means!
I hope you will bear with me while I ramble a bit.
Over the last several months Lily has made several comments about her appearance that have absolutely broken my heart.
It is hard for me to hear my positively beautiful daughter tell me she wishes her skin was a different color, her eyes were a different color/shape...well, you get the idea.
My knee jerk response is to quickly say to Lily, "Oh, don't be silly. You're beautiful just the way you are!"
But, I don't.
Of course, I do try to assure Lily that she is perfect just the way she is. But, I also try very hard to let Lily know that I am not dismissing her feelings. They are, after all, *her* feelings...even if I don't agree with them...and it hurts to hear them.
I try to remember that this isn't about me and what I think. It's about Lily and what she thinks...and feels. As hard as I try to listen with not only my ears, but also with my heart I know sometimes I fall terribly short.
The other day I was sharing with my friend, Erica, how I am struggling with this. Without skipping a beat Erica said, "Lily sounds exactly like every other ABC I've ever known...including me."
I guess the confused expression on my face clued Erica in that I had no idea what she was talking about.
Erica very quickly added, "Oh, come on TJ. ABC...American Born Chinese."
Erica went on to share that she wasn't comfortable in her own skin until she was in college. Until then, Erica desperately wanted blond hair and blue eyes. Basically, she wanted to look like all the popular girls in high school.
On one hand, what Erica wanted is not that much different than what I wanted in high school. But, on the other hand...it is diametrically different.
Am I making any sense???
I did mention that I would be rambling...remember??
Anyway, during our conversation Erica also shared with me that her daughter, who is the same age as Lily, regularly tells her that she wishes she was white.
Huh?
I've gotta tell you...I was SHOCKED!
I'm embarrassed to admit this, but until my conversation with Erica I had assumed the issues Lily is facing with her racial identity were as a result of us being a trans-racial family.
Seeing things through my "Adoptive Mama" lens, I missed entirely the much bigger picture of Lily being an ethnic minority not only in her own family...but in our corner of the world.
We do make a concerted effort to socialize with Asian families and other trans-racial adoptive families, shop in Asian supermarkets, eat at Asian restaurants, and celebrate Asian holidays.
However, the reality is that Lily is continually surrounded by a sea of white faces. Not only at home, but at school, at family gatherings, in our neighborhood, at the pool, and almost every other place we frequent.
So, what can we do about this?
Anything???
Nothing???
Something???
To be honest, I don't know.
What I do know is that I want to do all that is in my power to give Lily the opportunity to build a positive self identity. What that means and how exactly we go about doing it...will be a work in progress.
Thanks for letting me ramble. It's just this motherhood thing...it's so darn humbling.
On Saturday, Mary Beth, Lily, and I went to Pennsylvania to visit Katie and Paul and to see Paul play baseball.
Lily was so good on the 1 hour and 45 minute car ride up, during the double header, going out to dinner, and on the 1 hour and 45 minute car ride home. Sometimes when I sit back and think that Lily is not even 5 I'm even more amazed at how easy going she is!
I should also mention that not only was Lily a great sport...she was also ravenously hungry. Lily ate the entire ride up...all during both games...at the restaurant...and on the way home. Seriously. The. Entire. Time. You would not believe me if I told you how much she ate.
Speaking of good sports, Paul is a very gifted player. Personally, I believe one of his biggest gifts is humility.
On Saturday, Paul hit a bases loaded RBI to win the first game. He was excited (as he had every right to be!), but not the least bit arrogant. Paul is confident without being cocky. It's a delightful combination!
Another delightful combination is Lily, Katie, and Paul! As I've mentioned a million times before, Lily is crazy about Katie and Paul...and the feeling is mutual. It is so, so fun for me to see the 3 of them together!
Paul has been on Lily's mind quite a bit since Saturday. Lily is now referring to the number 9 as, "the number on Paul's jersey." As in..."1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, the number on Paul's jersey, 10." No, I'm not kidding.
The other morning while I was drying my hair I asked Lily if she could tell me what time it was. Lily went in the other room, looked at the digital clock, came back and said, "It's the number on Paul's jersey, then a 1 and a 3."
I know Lily is really looking forward to Katie and Number 9 coming home for the summer. So am I!
...but somebody's gotta do it!
The last few Saturday mornings Lily and I have spent with other moms and children helping to clean up our community.
We only spend an hour picking up trash, but it is AMAZING/APPALLING how much trash we've collected!
Here are a few of the questions and comments Lily has shared with me while we've been "spring cleaning":
"Why are people making my world dirty?"
"Why can't people just put trash where it belongs? It's easy you know."
"Mommy, do you just think some people don't love the earth like we do?"
"I bet all this trash everywhere doesn't make God very happy."
Remember that Public Service Announcement about pollution in the 70's with the crying American Indian?? I sure do. It made quite an impact on me!
I know, I know. It wasn't a real American Indian. It was some Italian actor dressed up like an American Indian. I don't care. I can still see that tear rolling down his cheek when he's looking at all the trash.
That ad made we want to cry back then. Listening to Lily's questions about why people litter and not knowing how to answer them makes me want to cry now.
It's obvious that these community clean-up days are having quite an impact on Lily. I sure do pity the first person she catches littering!!
