Excuse Me

Tony and I knew that when we decided to build our family through International Adoption that we might receive the occasional second look or question. We both felt strongly that our daughter was in China and the thought of an occasional glance or question certainly didn't change that.

Since we've been home many people (strangers) have said really lovely things to us about our family. Unfortunately, this is not a post about those comments. This post is about the other comments we've received. Please bear with me while I spew some venom.

I have been absolutely shocked and at times appalled by some of the the comments/questions we have received since we have been home. Comments from absolute strangers...comments from people at the grocery store...on the street...at restaurants, etc.

It all really started before Lily even came home. One night Tony and I were out with my dad when we ran into a couple my mom and dad had been friends with years ago. We had just received Lily's referral and Dad was bursting to share the news. My dad told these folks that he was about to be a grandfather again. My dad then looked at me to fill in the details. I explained that Tony and I were adopting our daughter from China and that we had been waiting a long time and were so thrilled to finally see her beautiful face. To say the response we received was not what we were expecting would be an understatement. I can't (wont) type here what was said. Just trust me that bigotry and hatred are alive and well and living in your neighborhood. Luckily, on that night, I was able to answer the ugliness despite the knot in my stomach and throat.

The vast majority of comments and questions I have received when Lily and I are alone together. I find this very interesting. How do people know that my husband is not Asian? I think they must look at me and my age and then create their own story. I have talked to other adoptive parents who assure me they have never once been asked a question. I think I just have one of those faces that says..."Come talk to me!" It's been that way my whole life. Seriously, I will run to the grocery store to buy a gallon of milk and by the time I'm finished in the Express Lane I'll know that the woman in front of me has 3 kids and an unfaithful husband. So I think some people must look at me and think it's okay to ask whatever is on their mind.

One day Lily and I were shopping at Costco and the cashier said:

"Is she yours?"
"Yes!" , I replied.
"No, I mean really?"
"So do I.", I assured her as I walked away shaking my head.

Another time Lily and I were in Panera Bread when a woman approached us and said, "Isn't it sad she will never know her real mother?" What???? I am her real mother! Yes, it breaks my heart that Lily will never know her biological mother...but honestly I don't think this stranger really cares.

I could go on and on with the numerous comments/questions I have received from absolute strangers. Each time I do my best to guage if the person asking the question is truly interested in Chinese adoption or are they just truly nosey. In other words does the question stem from true ignorance...or is the person being truly ignorant.

Tony and I have also been asked questions when the three of us are together. The first question came not long after we were home. Tony, Lily, and I always meet my dad for breakfast on Sunday morning. One morning a couple approached our table and said, "We've been thinking about getting one of *those*. Was she expensive?" I wish I were kidding but that is really what they said. How can you possibly respond to something like that other than to say, "Please don't."

Just recently the three of us were out to dinner and the waitress said, "What is *it*?" You would have to had heard her tone to know that she was not asking if Lily was a girl or a boy. In a not so friendly tone I answered, "Excuse Me???" She then asked, "Where's she from?" Tony answered that Lily was born in China and I went to the restroom to stop myself from slapping her.

When we were recently in North Carolina a man approached us while we were waiting in line at an ice cream shop...here's how that conversation went:

"I just have to ask...how much did she cost?"
"Oh, she's priceless!"
"No, I mean seriously...$10,000, $15,000"
"Of course there are fees associated with the adoption process...but our daughter is priceless"
"Oh, you mean more than that...$20,000...$25,000...are you serious?"
"If you are interested in international adoption we can give you the name of our agency."
"No, that's all right. But, wait, if you're not satisfied with her can you return her?"

Hello?? Are you kidding me?? Who are you by the way?? Do we know you??? Have we ever met?? What makes you think it's okay to ask us these kinds of questions?? In front of our daughter no less!!! By the way, it's amazing that your recent lobotomy did not leave any scars!!!

I also have to mention the tried but true favorite, "She's so lucky." Tony and I always answer that we're the lucky ones...and we sincerely mean that. For us Lily is absolutely a dream come true. However, we never lose sight of the fact that in order for our dream to come true Lily had to lose her first family, birth country, and culture. Is that lucky? Some day we hope that Lily will feel like she is right where she was meant to be but that is something she will have to decide for herself.

My naive side hopes that when Lily is old enough to understand what people are asking...they wont ask! However, I don't think that will be the case. For now I will look at these opportunities as my training ground. A chance to prepare how I will answer or not answer questions so that Lily will know that her history and our history as a family is just that...hers...ours...to share or not share as we see fit.

Lily's First Haircut

The comb over

When we met Lily she had a lot of hair in the back and not so much on the top and sides. In the last 2 months her hair has been growing like crazy...especially on top! Lily's bangs were literally touching her nose.

Lily was quite good while getting her hair cut and didn't shed a tear. Kathy, the girl who cuts my hair, was wonderful with Lily and didn't seem to mind Lily being a little squirmy. Tony and I suspected that Lily had had her hair cut in China because around the back of her head her hair was so neat and rounded. Kathy agreed that Lily's hair had been cut before...so today was Lily's first haircut as a US citizen.

Patti (aka Kitty Kodak) met us at the salon to take a few pictures and then joined us for lunch. Thanks Aunt Pappy!

Umm, what's that on top of my head??

Hey, Miss Kathy that wasn't so bad...can you trim up the back, too?

Do you think Daddy will recognize me?

Is Vacation Really Over?

I can't believe we've already been home from North Carolina for over a week. I was looking forward to vacation all year long and it feels like I blinked and it was over!

Has it really been a week since I've seen sights like this?

Oh well, there's always next year.

We had a fun week at home even if the weather didn't cooperate! We squeezed in one last Aunt T, Beanie, and Lily day before Christina headed back to school. We had a great day!

We went to Build A Bear and saw Freda, the woman who was working the day Tony and I received Lily's referral call while in the Build A Bear store. Freda was thrilled to meet Lily and actually cried!

Christina had fun building a cute little dog and Lily didn't quite know what to make of the place. Once we were finished we headed home for Lily's nap. Christina and I had fun doing crafts while Lily napped. After Lily woke up from her nap the girls had fun playing in the family room.

On Saturday we went to Julia's 5th Birthday and Gotcha Day party. Julia and her family travelled with us to China. Lily had a great time and apparently has gotten over her aversion to sweets! You should have seen that girl gobble up Julia's birthday cake. Julia made and decorated her own birthday cake. I think I know who I need to hire as a baker next year for Lilypalooza 2!

Fish Tales

While we were away the guys and Clare went deep sea fishing. They were scheduled to go out on Friday but there were squalls in the Gulf Stream so their outing was postponed until Saturday. Rumor has it the seas were still pretty rough on Saturday...but out they went.

I should mention that Ryan's girlfriend, Clare, joined us on vacation this year. It's no wonder Ryan is crazy about her! She is an absolute joy! By the way, I'm sure the reports of her being sea sick were wildly exaggerated!

Here are a few pictures of their catch. Disclaimer: Jamie's fish was too big to take a picture of ;-) and Clare was too busy appreciating the swaying and rocking of the boat to bother with fishing!

Lordy, Lordy, Our Baby Turned 40!

No, not Lily...the other baby...Patti! Last Friday while we were on vacation Patti's 30's took a permanent vacation! Goodbye 30's....Hello 40's!

The smoke alarm was right over the table so we opted for one candle for each decade!

Can you believe it? Patti...40?!? Somehow that has been harder for me to wrap my brain around then when I turned 40. How could my little sister be 40? If Patti is 40 what does that make me? Oh yeah, that's right, 41...at least for a few more months! Good to know with "Mommy Brain" I can still do simple math.

Patti started the first day of her 40's by going out to breakfast with all the girls. We tried to get her the Senior Citizen discount...but...no luck.

Patti didn't want to go out to dinner on her birthday. Instead, she requested a quiet night at home....see what happens when you start getting older! Patti has started to get very grouchy in her old age so we thought we had better do what she asked! So, Mary Beth and Ed prepared a seafood feast to honor the passing of Patti's youth. They served grilled fish, steamed shrimp, barbequed scallops and bacon, and lots of delicious veggies.

By the look on her face I'm thinking this card may have tested Patti's bladder control!

Happy Birthday Patti!! Welcome to the club. So glad we could be together to celebrate the big day!

Beach Baby

Lily really loved the beach...she thought it tasted great! Honestly if the Outer Banks needs a beach replenishment program it's because Lily ate so much sand! We tried to stop her but there's only so much you can do!

When Lily wasn't eating sand she was enjoying the ocean kayak we rented. You should see how that girl can handle those oars...what a pro! Of course I'm kidding but Lily really did enjoy climbing all over the kayak. It kept her entertained for hours!

Clare and Sadie thanks for sharing some of your pictures with me!

Cousins

I have a very large extended family and lots of cousins close to my age. I spent tons of time with my cousins growing up and have so many great memories. Countless days and weeks every summer were spent with my cousin Laura...who wasn't only my cousin but one of my best friends. I enjoyed shared family vacations at the beach and when I got older I loved going to Jimmy Buffett concerts with my siblings and all of my crazy cousins.

Clare and I tried to tell Ryan my hat wouldn't fit him.....

....but he insisted on wearing it!

To be honest, it makes me a little sad to think that Lily is so much younger than her cousins and wont have the same kind of experiences I had. I shouldn't worry. Lily's cousins were all so wonderful and patient with her on vacation (and all the time really) that instead Lily will have memories of her older cousins who positively adore and dote on her!

Dad Daddy and 5 of my 9 cousins: Sadie, Ryan (holding me), Katie, Christina, and Jamie.

Lily tolerates her car seat much better than she did when we first came home but it's still not her favorite place to be. I was a little worried how she would handle the 6 +/- hours in the car. Not to worry.....Beanie to the rescue! Christina rode in our car with us and entertained Lily with endless games of Peek-A-Boo and a steady stream of snacks. It's hard to believe that Christina is only 8 when you see how patient and kind she is with Lily!

Do you think Christina can see me?

Lily's cousins were a constant source of entertainment for her while we were at the beach. Each one of them spent time every day playing and interacting with her. Now that we're home I'm sure she must be a little bored with plain old Mommy and Daddy!

Me and Sadie soaking up the rays!

This big old jacuzzi tub didn't scare me at all since my cousin Beanie was with me!

What A Wonderful Week!

We had such a wonderful time in the Outer Banks! I know I said I would try and post while we were away...but...I lied. We had Internet access at the house and I even brought the laptop but other than showing Clare the video of the moment we met Lily I never touched the computer again and I didn't miss it a bit!

After some initial hesitancy Lily found that she loved the sand and the surf....she's a true beach baby! I can't tell you how happy and relieved we were to find out how much she enjoyed being on the beach. Come to think of it...it makes sense. Last year we took our family vacation in June (which is really early for us) and Lily was born the week we were in the Outer Banks. So, even though we didn't know it at the time she was with us on family vacation last year, too.

We had wonderful weather, we ate lots of delicious food, we drank yummy drinks, and basically just hung out, relaxed, and enjoyed. It was perfect!

If I tried to post everything about our week in one post in would be a mile long. So, I think what I'll do is break it up into a few posts over the next several days.

To start here are a few shots from Lily's first day on the beach. By the way, Lily's first day on the beach ensemble was a gift from Aunt Patti, Uncle Dave, Sadie, and Christina. They gave it to us the night we shared Lily's referral with the family because they were so excited she would be joining us this year on family vacation. Naturally, Lily had to wear it for her first big day on the beach! She looks pretty darn cute don't you think?!?

We're Going On Baycation...We're Going on Baycation!

Eighteen years ago when we went on our first family vacation to the Outer Banks Ryan had just turned 3. Mary Beth and Ed tried to keep it a secret from Ryan where we were going....but at our lunch stop on the long ride down Ryan said something like, "Guys, is this baycation?" Now, of course he hasn't called it baycation in a long, long time....but that hasn't stopped the rest of us from doing it. We do sort of a chant...We're Going On Baycation!...We're Going On Baycation!...come on...all together now!

I absolutely love family vacation. There's just something about having everyone under one roof that makes me so happy. Granted, we all see each other more than most people probably think is healthy...but...we always have a great time and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Unfortunately, this year Don and his family will not be able to join us because of Maggie's sports commitments. Dad will be joining us a little bit later in the week...yes, you guessed it...he's in Ireland again and wont get home until Tuesday.

We are so excited to be taking our first family vacation with Lily. We just hope she likes the beach! We'll find out soon enough. I'm hoping to post once or twice while we're away so I will let you know what Lily thinks of the Outer Banks.

Office Visits

It was unbearably hot here this week! There was no way we could play outside and there's only so much time I can spend in the house before I start going batty. So, what did we do? Well, we went out to lunch a few times, we had a play date with Christine and Lian, and we went and bothered hard working people at their offices.

On Monday we went to visit Uncle Ed at work. Ed's co-worker, Mary, has been anxious to meet Lily. Several weeks ago Mary Beth, Lily, and I went to the office to surprise Mary...but...the surprise was she had the day off! Well, on Monday Mary was at the office and got to meet Miss Lily in person. Mary offered to babysit Lily any time...hmm...she might be sorry she said that!

On Tuesday, Lily had her first experience at Rainforest Cafe. The thunderstorms didn't phase her a bit but she wasn't crazy about the elephants! Nothing terribly traumatic...just kind of a 'deer in the headlights' kind of look! After lunch we stopped by Tony's office for a quick visit.

Wednesday Christine and Lian came over for a play date. Honestly, not a whole lot of playing went on...just a whole lot of snacking! It is so cute to see the girls together and it is so nice to have another adoptive mom to bounce things off of.

Below are a few pictures from Rainforest Cafe and our visit to Tony's office:

Mommy, I'm not so sure about this thing you stuck in my hair!

Aunt Pappy said she wanted something sweet for dessert!

It's this way to Daddy's office, right?

Daddy, I just have to kiss the picture of this beautiful baby. Um, what do you mean it's me?

Tubby Time Spectacular

Bath time, or Tubby Time Spectacular as it is known in our house, is strictly a Daddy and Lily affair. When bath time is finished Daddy presents me with Princess Tubby...all wrapped up in her royal towel robe...and then I get her in her pj's and Daddy joins us for story time.

Every now and again I'll sneak in with the camera and take a few pictures during Tubby Time Spec-tac-u-lar (as Tony says it in his best "Announcer Man" voice). I got some really cute pictures tonight and thought I'd share them.

The Hazy Lazy Days Of Summer

It's not often that we have a weekend with little or nothing on the calendar but that was the case this weekend...and it's just what the doctor ordered! We've had a crazy couple of weeks and really just needed some down time.

Saturday we had absolutely nothing to do...and that's what we did! Tony took care of getting Lily breakfast and let me sleep late. Ahhh...it felt sooo good. When I woke up I thought the house seemed a little quiet. When I went downstairs I found Tony and Lily asleep on the love seat in the living room. I think the last 2 weeks has taken its toll on all 3 of us!

Sunday was another low key day. Tony's mom and Aunt Mary came over for dinner. Tony cooked out on the grill and we had a great time visiting. We had planned to sit out on the patio but the temperature outside was just slightly lower than that of the charcoals in the grill! We've had such a mild summer up until the last week and a half and we're paying for it now!

Aunt Mary is up visiting from Georgia. She has seen Lily several times during her stay but wanted to get a last minute "Lily fix" before she heads back home. Lily was precious with Aunt Mary and showed her great aunt all of her "tricks", including taking one or two tentative steps before plopping down on her bottom. It's a good thing Lily wears a diaper because she's been spending a lot of time falling on her little padded behind!

Lily also showed Nai Nai and Aunt Mary the signs she knows. As often as Lily signed "Eat" and "More" you would think we never feed the poor child! Lily has also added a few words to her vocabulary in the last several days. She is now saying: Hot, Bye, and No.

When Lily finishes saying "Hot" she blows air out of her mouth. She must be copying Tony and I when we try to cool down her food. The one big difference is when Lily blows out her lower lip sticks out further than her upper lip so she ends up blowing her bangs straight up in the air. She looks so funny!

Now, I sincerely hope Lily's not copying me when she says "No"...because...I'll tell you my little girlfriend has one nasty look on her face when she says it! I think I may need to watch myself in the mirror!

Lily Takes A Bite Out Of The Big Apple!

Tony and his colleague, Laura, attended a workshop in New York City this week and Lily and I went along for the ride! Lily and I had hoped to spend time with friends while we were in the City. While we were able to have dinner together Tuesday night the remainder of the time did not turn out as we had planned....but you know what they say about the best-laid plans often going awry! Not to worry, Lily and I had a wonderful time together while Tony and Laura were hard at work!

Luckily our hotel was located in midtown Manhattan (6th Ave. and 46th Street). We were able to walk to Central Park, Rockefeller Center, Broadway, Radio City Music Hall, Time Square, St. Patrick's Cathedral, the 5th Ave. Shopping District, FAO Schwartz....and Lily and I visited them all! I wont even tell you how many blisters my poor feet have! We walked absolutely everywhere. Honestly, I was too much of a wimp to brave the subways alone with my sweet Lily!

Lily slept through FAO Schwartz, loved the Central Park Zoo, and overall was a little overwhelmed by the sheer volume of people and all the hustle and bustle of New York City. It was way too hot for me to use the baby carrier so we went out and about with the stroller. Lily rode in the stroller with her legs sticking straight out! I think she was saying "Make way world. Here I come!"

New York City is an incredible place to people watch and...oh, the sights we saw! On Time Square we saw a police barricade and SWAT team. Naive me thought it was filming for TV...you know, maybe Law and Order or something...but...no...it was the real deal so we high tailed it out of there! Lily and I stopped for a drink at a Starbuck's on 6th Ave. and 56th...a very busy intersection. The Starbuck's is located right on the corner and Lily and I sat in the corner window. Lily waved and said "Hi!" to every person who walked by. I was shocked by the number of people who stopped to wave back or just to smile at our sweet Lily!

Wednesday night we headed to a Mexican restaurant for a delicious dinner. Lily just loved the Mariachi Band and they appeared to be quite smitten with her, too! You should have seen Lily bobbing her head and dancing along to the music in her highchair. I think the Mariachi Band has its first groupie!

Yesterday, Lily and I had lunch in a little Italian restaurant on "Restaurant Row". Lily positively charmed the owner of the restaurant who actually came and joined us at our table. Lily was in a very chatty mood and said "yum, yum" after each bite of her vegetarian pizza. Naturally, this made the owner's day! The owner was speaking to Lily in Italian and had her giggling up a storm. Hmm, I wonder if she could understand him!?! I know I sure couldn't! The gentleman kept trying to get Lily to say "Ciao". He never did succeed, but I'm quite certain Lily said "Hi!" to every man, woman, and child in New York City!

Lily was a pretty good traveler. A lot of this was a result of Tony's co-worker, Laura. Laura was so sweet and patient with Lily and entertained Lily on the train ride up...in part by wearing her water bottle on top of her head! Lily found this absolutely hysterical. Lily was a little less patient on the train ride home...but again...Laura to the rescue! At one point Laura took some hand cream out of her purse and moisturized her hands and arms. Lily...not missing a beat...took Laura's sealed hand cream and "applied" some to herself! It was so cute to watch Lily copy Laura. What a little mimic (or should I say Parrott?!).

The last two weeks have been quite a disruption to Lily's schedule. Here's hoping for a few quiet days at home!