Let the games begin...

Ok. It has officially started. The Referral Rumor Roller Coaster is in full swing and I'm not sure I'm big enough to ride this ride!



I really wish I had taken some Dramamine. I feel sick. I mean honestly sick. Sweaty, nauseous, jittery, etc. If this is how I feel the first day rumors start swirling I don't want to think how I will feel by Friday!

The initial rumors are saying that the cut-off will be October 19. Please God, don't let this be true! With an LID of October 18 that would mean we should be in....but....that's such a small batch. I know it wont happen but I'd love to think the CCAA could refer all of October.

Remember in school when they would pick teams for things? All the kids would be lined up and then the teacher would select two team captains. The team captains would then start calling out names and you'd stand there hoping you would be picked?? That's how I feel right now....only multiply that feeling by 1,000! Back in school even after I was picked I would always worry about the other kids still waiting. I feel like that now. Naturally, I will be beyond thrilled when we receive our referral but my heart will ache for all of those still waiting.

Sweet Sixteen and Happy Chinese New Year

Today is our 16 month LID-a-versary and Chinese New Year. 2007 is the Year of the Golden Pig. The Year of the Golden Pig (or Fire Pig) is thought to be a fantastic year to have children because the children will be particularly blessed and lead comfortable and luxurious lives.

You are supposed to avoid housecleaning on Chinese New Year because you may mistakenly rid yourself of some good luck in the process. I wish I had remembered that before I spent the entire day cleaning my kitchen. I don't know about ridding myself of good luck but I definitely rid myself of some nasty things that were living under my oven and refrigerator!

I'm hopeful that we will have Lily's picture before our 17 month LID-a-versary and will be on our way to bring her home before our 18 month LID-a-versary!

We also received wonderful news from USCIS....our I-797C (Petition for Orphan Visa renewal) came in the mail! Tony had a mini anxiety attack when he saw the box that said we're approved to bring home two children. It was so funny and sweet. He started saying things like "Oh no, we only ordered one crib...what will we do if we're referred twins?!" We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. The good news is if we receive one referral (or two) we will be able to bring our babies home now!!

PRS

What's PRS you ask? Well, let me tell you, it makes PMS look like a walk in the park! It's Pre-Referral Syndrome and I have it BAD! I have become an anxious, weepy, emotional wreck.

Honestly, I'll cry about anything and everything! If I see a baby/toddler...forget it! I can assure you I will be a sniffling basket case. Yesterday we were having breakfast with my father and there was a little girl at the next table. She was such a cutie and was flirting with Tony and me. She was waving, playing peek-a-boo, etc. Me...being the well balanced person I am...had tears in my eyes. Hey, I left the restaurant without stealing the little girl and right now that's really saying something.

I'm also having big problems with anxiety. I get overcome with these waves of "Oh no...what am I doing? I can't be a mother! What was I thinking? Have I lost my mind?!" I tell you I need to invent some spray Valium and I need it fast!

I can almost paralyze myself with the "What If's". Needless to say none of my "What If's" are of the "What if I'm the best damn mother?" variety. I worry about what if something happens to me or Tony before we bring Lily home, what if something happens to someone in our family while we're in China, you get the picture. We're talking major league whack job!

Today was my grandmother's birthday. The Katherine (or Katie as she was known) in our Lily Katherine. My grandmother has been gone since my senior year of high school but I still miss her. I can still smell her, too. Imagine a mix of Listerine, Baby Powder, and Jean Nate. That might sound gross, but to me it smells like heaven. I wish my Granny was still alive to meet Lily. Every child should have a grandmother (or great-grandmother) like my Granny.

I so wish life had a fast forward button and I could fast forward to the time when we bring Lily home and everyone is happy, healthy, and loving life as a family!

How much wine is too much wine??

The other day I was putting together the glass and plastic recycling and got quite a nasty surprise...3 empty bottles of red wine! What the heck? I've gone through 3 bottles of wine in two weeks?! I'd like to say Tony helped, but he doesn't touch the stuff. Obviously, it's time for an intervention.

In the past Tony and I never drank at home. Please note I said "at home". I'm not saying Tony and I are complete teatotallers. We have a drink if we go out to a nice restaurant or we're visiting with friends. But on your basic Tuesday night kicking around the house...no alcohol required. Apparently, that 's changed for me. I've been pretty stressed with the wait and all the "What If's" that keep popping into my head. Don't get me wrong I was aware that I was having a glass or two of wine in the evening to try and decompress.....I just didn't realize it was 3 bottles worth in 2 weeks. Yikes! I'm still reeling. Time to put away the corkscrew and break out the good 'ole decaf iced tea with lemon.

Lucky 13

The CCAA updated their website. The 13th it is! With an LID of 10.18.05 we are getting REALLY close. Now, if I can just remember to breathe for the next few weeks I'll have it made!

So close...

Referrals started arriving today and it looks like they made it through October 13, 2005. The CCAA has not updated their site to confirm this date, yet. However, from all the postings on RQ's site and the October DTC Yahoo board the 13th looks like a good date. Our LID is October 18, 2005. Close, but not quite close enough.

What does this mean? Hopefully it means (barring some unforseen nightmare inducing problem) we will be next. Yup. You read that right...NEXT. NEXT! NEXT! OK....I'm better now. I just still can't believe it.

Referral time is so exciting. Many families that receive referrals post their referral pictures online so that we can all share in their joy. I've spent the last hour looking at referral announcements and crying my eyes out. Each month it is an exciting and emotional time but even more so this month. Several of my "cyber friends" received their referrals today and that makes this time all the sweeter.

The next batch of referrals will probably be a little delayed because of the Chinese New Year. I'm hoping we receive Lily's referral around the second week of March. I'll keep you posted!