14 Months and counting

Today is our 14 month LID-a-versary. I'm not sure what is the appropriate gift for 14 months? Perhaps it's Paper...as in the tissues I've been using all day because I'm a weepy mess. Or maybe it's Crystal...for the wine glass I will be drinking out of shortly. Nope. That's not it. It must be Self Pity....because I sure am feeling sorry for myself today. By now I thought we would have been home for months and be getting ready for our first Christmas with Lily. Instead we wait....and wait...and then wait some more.

Goodie Goodie and the Evil Genius

It's too bad that Bill Cosby no longer hosts the televison show "Kids Say The Darnedest Things". I'm quite sure my niece, Christina, would be a permanent guest.

Christina is an extremely funny, quick witted, opinionated, sometimes sharped tongue, absolutely precious 7 year old. Believe me you never know what this child might say. Fair warning...if she starts a sentence with "I don't want to hurt your feelings...but...." hold on for dear life because you are about to be eviscerated. I could write an entire blog of just Christina-isms. Honestly, if I hadn't heard many of the things she has said with my own ears I'm sure I wouldn't believe she had really said them.

One of my all time favorite Christina-isms happened several years ago when Christina was about 4 1/2 or 5. Christina and I were at the grocery store together and they were selling bundles of flowers near the checkout stand. Christina asked me if we could buy a bundle of flowers and take them to the cemetery for Mom Mom. I was so touched and said "Sure!". We left the grocery store and headed to the cemetery. As we were getting out of the car to visit Mom's grave I grabbed the bundle of flowers. Christina said "Excuse me Aunt T, can I carry those? I don't want Mom Mom to think the flowers were your idea."

This summer Christina and one of her girlfriends were spending the day with me. We were driving up the road headed to the State Fair and the two girls were sitting in the back talking away (and, of course, I'm eavesdropping). Christina says to her friend, "Haley, Aunt T is really strict. When she says 'No' she means 'No' and it wont matter how many times we ask....and don't even think we're getting out of this car without sunscreen on."

Below are a few Christina-isms related to our adoption:

First, let's start with Lily's name. (By the way, this falls under the "I don't want to hurt your feelings" category.) One day Christina and I were talking about Lily and Christina said, "You know Aunt T, Lily is a pretty stupid name. I mean why don't you just name her Daisy, or Rose, or Tulip for that matter."

Recently my sister was talking to Christina about Tony and I going to China to pick up Lily. We have talked to Christina countless times about Lily but apparently this time a light bulb went off and Christina said "Do you mean Lily is going to look Chinese?!? I just assumed she would look like Aunt T and Uncle Tony. Well, it's probably better that way." This comment loses a little something without being able to hear Christina's incredulous tone.

The other day Patti and Christina are driving in the car and Christina tells her mother, "You know Mom, Aunt T is such a goodie goodie Lily is going to have to be an evil genius to get away with anything."

Don't worry. I'm sure she meant goodie goodie in the best possible way.

The kind of mother I want to be...

That's easy....I want to be like Laura! I just got back from a weekend visiting Laura, Rich, and the kids and I was once again reminded what a wonderful mother my friend is. I almost hate to talk about it because I think I make Laura sound like a Stepford Wife and that couldn't be further from the truth. Laura is just quite simply an amazing mom! On the drive home today I was trying to figure out what makes her so special. A few things immediately came to mind:

1. Laura really likes her kids. That may sound stupid but what I realized is that she doesn't just love her children she likes them, too! I don't mean she thinks she's their buddy I mean she sincerely enjoys spending time with them, she listens intently when they talk, she is respectful of them and their feelings, she is empathetic, and the list goes on and on.

2. Laura knows what is important to her and lives her life accordingly. She is very laid back and doesn't allow stress or outside pressures to rule her family's life. She exudes a kind of peace that I imagine if she could find a way to bottle and sell it would make a fortune. The fact that she is able to do that with three teenage sons is something I imagine a lot of parents would envy. She is definitely a 'don't sweat the small stuff' kind of person. You can walk into some people's home and feel like you are walking into a pressure-cooker...not so here. Over the last 10 years we have spent many weekends visiting and never once have had that "Dear God, please get us out of here" feeling. Their house is such a happy home we always feel a little sad when we leave!

3. Laura and Rich are a great couple. If children learn what they live (and I believe they do) Laura and Rich's kids are learning from a great example. Not only are they patient and kind with their kids they are patient and kind with each other. For example, they say "Please" and "Thank You" to each other and to the kids. They don't take each other or their children for granted. Again, this might seem like a stupid observation but I can't tell you how many times I've heard parents reprimand their children for having poor manners and then notice I don't need to look far to see where the children picked up their bad habits.

4. Laura and Rich have great kids. The boys are happy, fun, warm, sweet, and a joy to be around. They are confident without being cocky. They are polite, engaging, kind, compassionate and loving. Some of you could be thinking I might be a bit bias since I'm their Godmother...but there's no need to be....it's all true!

I could go on ad nauseam about all the wonderful things about Laura. Of course, I'm not surprised that Laura is such a wonderful mother because all the same traits make her my most cherished friend.

I keep bugging Laura to write a parenting book for me before Lily comes home. I don't think it's going to happen....perhaps she will concede to a Vulcan mind meld.

Inch by Inch

We're getting closer and closer. This morning I woke up to the wonderful news that the CCAA had matched families through September 8, 2005! Truth be told I don't even get out of bed before bringing up the Rumor Queen site on my SideKick. I think I have a little RQ addiction....nothing that having Lily Katherine home wont cure!

I love referral time each month. The excitement is absolutely contagious. While it may be true that the adoption process is not running as quickly as it once did, each batch brings children to their families and us one step closer to our daughter.

A Productive Weekend

It's official....we bought nursery bedding!! Some of you may be thinking...so, what's the big deal?? Well, Tony and I have been putting off decorating the nursery because we just couldn't handle having an empty nursery. We've been looking at nursery bedding and going to fabric stores to check out nursery fabrics but just hadn't been able to make the plunge. We did today. We struggled with things we felt were too froofy (is that a word??? you know what I mean), or too girly, or too cutesy...you get the picture. My special gift is that I can make the most simple task difficult! Well, it's done. A simple purple quilted set that will look beautiful in Lily's room!

Yesterday was our 13th month LID - a - versary. To celebrate I was fingerprinted again by the USCIS. We were already re-fingerprinted because of the prints "expiring" so I guess I was re-re-fingerprinted. I am one of those weird people that don't have fingerprints...yes, there are many of us out there. I was really angry when I learned that I had to be printed again. After I kicked and screamed and acted like your basic 2 year old Tony said "No problem, we'll make a day of it." So we went downtown so I could be printed again then went to one of the fancy downtown hotels for brunch and on our way home got stuck in Thanksgiving Day parade traffic. It's a frustrating inconvenience to be printed multiple times but I feel like it's forward progress...I mean at least I'm doing something! This just sitting around doing nothing doesn't work for my Type A personality.

Adoption Meltdown

I had my first major adoption meltdown yesterday. I received an I-797C, Notice of Action from the USCIS (Immigration) that stated my fingerprints had expired and I needed to come in to be re-fingerprinted or my Petition for an Orphan Visa would be considered "abandoned" (got to love the use of that word!). No problem I thought. For those of you who may not know the Petition for Orphan Visa is an extremely important document in the international adoption process. Anyway, Tony and I went on September 8, 2006, to be re-fingerprinted so surely this is some kind of mix up that would be easily rectified...or not.

I called the 1-800 number on the USCIS form and after over 90 minutes on hold and two different levels of "customer" service I was told that they couldn't help me. In fact, I was told that I would have to appear at the District Office and be re-fingerprinted and I could speak to the supervisor on duty at the time of my re-fingerprinting. Don't get me wrong, I would stand in line forever if it meant that at the end I could bring Lily home. I just thought that since Tony and I were already re-fingerprinted this step was unnecessary! I truly believe when I go to the District Office with all my documentation, receipt numbers, etc. this problem will be resolved quickly. I just was so extremely frustrated with the "customer service" folks and can't understand why this couldn't be resolved over the phone. Honestly, the woman I dealt with never really let me get an entire sentence out. All she kept saying was "when you appear at the appointed time you can address this with the supervisor on duty". My entire point was why do I have to go at all....I've already been....twice. It was obvious that she was following some kind of script and not really listening to what my issue was.

Now, here is the icing on the cake...included in the envelope with my I-797C, Notice of Action was another person's I-797C (complete with their personal information, ssn, etc.). When I mentioned this to the USCIS customer service rep they stated that I would need to type a cover letter stating that this notice was inadvertently included in my envelope and mail it back to them. WHAT???? You've got to be kidding me. It's their error and I have to type a letter and mail it back to them??? Meanwhile they have done nothing to help me resolve my issue...I don't think so. I typed a letter...but not to them. I typed a letter to the person that the I-797C was addressed to and told them that it was included in a mailing sent to me. Hopefully this person will follow through with the USCIS and ask them why their personal info was disclosed to another person.

I am not proud to admit this but I completely lost my cool. When the representative said to me for the one hundredth time "if you want your petition to have a favorable outcome you will go to the district office at the appointed time" I almost climbed through the phone. Our petition has already had a favorable outcome. We've jumped through all of their damn hoops! Enough already! By the time I hung up I was completely weepy and had used an expletive or two. So much for grace under pressure!

Normally I am a pretty level headed person...not the big whiny face I was yesterday. A day has passed now and I feel kind of silly for being so upset. But honestly I'm still kind of fuming. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest. I feel 5 lbs lighter already.

What to do while you're waiting...or...spending money you don't have

Today is exactly one year since our paperwork has been logged in with the CCAA. At this point we thought we would have had Lily home with us for 6 months. Instead, we look ahead to what might be 6 or more months of waiting. Yes. I'm complaining. I'm feeling really blue today. Of course we'll wait...no matter how long. I just wish life came with a fast forward button!

So, what have we been doing during the wait?? Well spending money we don't have of course! In the last year we've:

• Gone to Hawaii
• Had the basement finished
• Had a new stone patio installed
• Went to the Outer Banks with the family
• Just got back from a trip to Ireland

We've never been terrific savers but we've certainly been in a bit of a spending frenzy. I think we're just trying to keep so busy that we "forget" how much time is passing.

Now, more importantly what we haven't done:

• Bought furniture for the nursery or started any kind of decorating
• Found a pediatrician
• Bought any type of baby related items
• Become proficient in Mandarin

Don't get me wrong we think and talk about Lily constantly. I'm quite certain I've read every adoption and parenting book ever written. It's just that we can't imagine walking past a empty decorated nursery every day. We did try. We went furniture shopping and instead of it being the fun day we had envisioned I found myself really sad. I think it's just the not knowing. Will she be home in 3 months, 6 months, when? We miss Lily so much as it is and the thought of a nursery sitting empty is just too much. The same goes with clothes, toys, etc. I know this means we will be extremely busy when we finally do get her referral but as the magic day gets closer it will be so much fun to go on a Lily shopping spree.

An Interesting Week

September 5th was the fourth anniversary of my mom's death. Maybe it's morbid to remember that...but, I certainly couldn't forget it! Dad, Mary Beth and I met for breakfast and then headed up to the chapel at St. Joseph's for mass. Tony met us at church. Time has definitely removed some of the sharp edges. I still just can't believe she's gone.

The 5th was also my nephew's 10th birthday. Talk about time flying. It seems like just yesterday I witnessed him being born. What an awesome experience. (I've chosen to forget the part about throwing up and fainting!) How can my youngest nephew be 10?? Boy, I'm getting old!

More proof that time is slipping away too quickly is that my Godsons became teenagers on the 7th. Wow,13! How'd that happen? It seems like just yesterday my friends were showing me sonogram pictures of "triplets a, b, and c". Now, they are big, beautiful, wonderful teenagers. Yikes! It's going to take me a little while to get used to saying teenagers.

We also made a little progress on the adoption front. On Thursday, Tony and I headed to the Travel Clinic at Hopkins for our last series of shots before traveling. We are now properly immunized and ready to go!

On Friday morning we went to USCIS to be refingerprinted because our fingerprints have "expired". How do fingerprints expire you ask?? Excellent question. You know on all those crime shows when they are searching through databases of fingerprints you never hear them say "Oh no! That guys fingerprints have expired. We can't use them". They're fingerprints...not milk or eggs. Why can't they just run the fingerprints they already have on file for us through the system to make sure Tony and I haven't turned to a life of crime in the last year. Who knows...maybe we've decided to rob a bank to help pay for needless additional adoption related expenses like being refingerprinted. Ok, ok, I'll stop now. I still haven't "grown" fingerprints in the last year. The poor tech who was trying to print me became very frustrated. She called her supervisor over and the supervisor didn't have any better luck. I had the same problem last year. For that matter I had the same problem when I was fingerprinted for the local police, the FBI, and USCIS.....no discernible whirls or ridges. Hmm, suddenly that life of crime seems more attractive.

A Lily by any other name

We needed to come up with a name for our baby. Tony and I talked about her constantly and tired quickly of saying “our little girl” or “our baby”, etc. Of course, we knew in China that our little one would already have been given a name but we have no idea what it is. So we started brainstorming.

I definitely wanted Katherine to be part of her name. My grandmother’s (my Dad’s mom) name was Katherine. My granny, as I liked to call her, was an incredible woman. She was a kind, loving, strong, brave, generous, beautiful woman who had a profound impact on my life. Two of my nieces have Katherine as part of their names, too. Obviously, our grandmother was someone special.

Tony and I discussed different ideas for a first name and agreed on the name Anna. Anna Katherine. Hmm…quite beautiful we thought. However, that was before the dream.

If you haven’t figured it out by now I'm a little strange….ok, a lot strange. Anyway, one night I had a dream about our daughter. I dreamed that Tony was giving our little one a ride on his shoulders. I could see her perfectly. She had on a little yellow seersucker sundress, white birdcage sandals, and her hair was up in pigtails. Her little hands were on Daddy’s face and pretty much covering both of his eyes. In my dream I said, “You’d better move your hands Little Miss or Daddy wont be able to see where he's going.” Without skipping a beat she responded, “My name is not Little Miss. My name is Lily Katherine.” (Is it me or do you think she already has her mother's attitude?) The funny thing was Lily wasn’t even a name we had ever discussed or even thought about.

When I woke up I told Tony all about my dream. Poor Tony is no stranger to hearing about my dreams so he listened intently and then said, “Maybe our little girl is trying to tell us something.”

I know, I know, that’s strange enough but it gets even stranger. At this point Tony and I hadn’t shared our adoption plans with anyone. When we decided to let our families in on our plans I told my sister, Patti. The first thing Patti said was, “Oh, how wonderful! I can just see you with a little girl named Lily!” I couldn’t believe what I had heard! I had goose bumps from head to toe. At first I thought Tony must of told Patti…I mean how else could she have known?? But he hadn’t. Patti said it just came out of her mouth without really thinking about it. Needless to say, that sealed the deal. From that point forward we knew her name had to be Lily Katherine.

When we learn what her Chinese name is we will include that as a second middle name.

As I'm sure most of you know Tony and I have different last names so you may be wondering what Lily's last name will be. Well, Tony and I reached a compromise and have decided to hyphenate Lily's last name. Lily Katherine Wet-Bird. Has a nice ring to it....don't you think? Don't worry. I'm teasing...Lily will have her dad's last name just like I have mine.

Where to begin....

So, those of you who know me well are probably still scratching your heads. TJ's going to be a mom. Who would have ever thought you'd see TJ and mom in the same sentence?? I can assure you I was as surprised as anyone when I started to see my life differently.

When Tony and I got married I made it crystal clear I had no desire to have children. Quite frankly, I beat the subject to death. I just wanted to make sure Tony knew what he was getting into. Little did Tony know that Miss "I love kids but I dont want one" would later become Miss "I love kids and why can't we bring Lily home right now". At first Tony was shocked when I brought up the subject of becoming parents...and then he was thrilled!

You know the saying - opposites attract. That certainly applies to me and Tony. When we started talking about adoption 1,000 things went through my head and not one of them was related to finances. Tony on the other hand began crunching numbers. My brain would be going on all these strange tangents and Tony would be in the office trying to figure out how we could fund Lily's college education and our retirement at the same time. Believe me, I'm not trying to say that my thought patterns are at all normal. To be honest, after some of the things I told our Social Worker during our Home Study I'm surprised we were cleared to become parents. If you could've been a fly on the wall during one of Tony and my dinner conversations this is what you would've heard...

"Oh, I don't want Lily to be one of those kids who looks like she has older parents. You know....remember the kids you went to school with and you could just tell their parents were old enough to be their grandparents. Promise you'll stop me if I try to send Lily to middle school in a tartan plaid dress and Mary Janes. Ok?"

"My God TJ, you think too much. Your brain needs an off switch. I was wondering...do you think Lily will want to go to a college in Maryland or out of state? Because if we fund a pre-paid college trust...."

You get the picture.

Anyway, we took the plunge and submitted our paperwork (aka dossier) to China in September 2005. Since then we've been not so patiently waiting to bring Lily home. So why start a blog now? Honestly, I'm not sure. Since we're almost a year into what we thought would be a 6 month wait I guess there are worse things I could've started!