Hollywood's

Anyone care to guess Lily's new favorite fashion accessory?

To the untrained eye they may appear to be sunglasses...but...in fact...they are Hollywood's. Lily has just gone crazy over sunglasses (aka Hollywood's). One day she was wearing them on the top of her head (like her Daddy does) and I mentioned that she looked like she belongs in Hollywood. That was it...they've been Hollywood's ever since!

Until now Lily hasn't had that one favorite 'thing'. You know the 'thing' that has to go everywhere with you. Lily does have a blanket she likes to sleep with but she has never shown any interest in taking it with her outside of her crib so I don't consider that her 'thing'. Well, that has all changed! Lily is obsessed with sunglasses.

When Lily goes down for her nap her Hollywood's go on a shelf near her crib. It did take a little convincing that she did not need to sleep in them and that they would be safe on the shelf! Now when she wakes up from her nap I don't hear her call, "Mommy!"...I hear, "Hollywood's!" I'm not kidding.

Lily's first pair of sunglasses broke. (Gee, I can't imagine how.) Let me tell you what a dark day that was in our house! I should try to catch Lily talking about it on video. It is so funny. Lily says in her saddest voice (with a face to match), "Hollywood's. Broke. Sharp. Trash." Then with a happy voice and face, "New. Ones." I know it loses something if you have to read it but trust me it is incredibly cute!

I should mention that that is how Lily is talking these days...kind of in staccato sentences. Lily uses a lot of two and three word sentences, but if Lily uses more than 3 words in a fluid sentence I can almost guarantee you she is singing. You know like...rain, rain, go away....or...yes sir, yes sir, 3 bags full.

Now, when Lily has a point she is trying to get across it comes out in little one word declarations. The other day we met Tony for lunch and while we were headed to our table Lily stopped at a table filled with business men and said, "Lunch. Friends. Nice." At the time the men were standing up getting ready to leave and Lily said, "All done. Home?" The guys cracked up and told her they wished they were headed home but they had to go back to work. Lily then said in her sad voice, "Oh, work." That just made the guys laugh harder!

It is so much fun watching Lily's communication skills evolve. Now, we have mini conversations all day long. It's great. There is one draw back though. If you don't happen to understand what Lily is saying...watch out! Girlfriend can get REALLY frustrated! Lily will say the same word over and over...louder and louder...and look at you like you are from some other planet if you don't understand her. By the way, don't even try to pretend you know what she is saying if you don't...trust me...Lily can tell if you are trying to trick her and she doesn't like it one bit!

Happy Easter!

The crocus pale compared to our pretty Easter Lily!

We had a wonderful day yesterday! I think Lily really enjoyed her first Easter...I know Tony and I sure did!

We started the day by going to church at the Deaf church. Lily really enjoys the service there. The entire service is very visual and Lily is fascinated by it all. There is a signing choir with a huge bass drum, drama is used to re-enact the Bible readings, and the entire service is signed. A voice interpreter is provided for those that are signing impaired ;-). There is also the added benefit that if Lily gets a little noisy...no one cares!

Even though it doesn't look like it....I did have fun!

What page did they say this song was on?

Lily got her first Easter basket and LOVED the stuffed hedgehog that was in it. What?!? Don't all little girls get stuffed hedgehogs in their Easter baskets?? Lily absolutely LOVES hedgehogs...I'm not kidding. I can explain. When we came home from China Clare, Ryan's girlfriend, gave Lily a wonderful selection of board books. One of those books was The Mitten by Jan Brett. That is absolutely one of Lily's favorite books. Lily loves when we read it and likes to tell me what animal is about to squeeze into the mitten next. Lily also loves Jan Brett's book, The Hat. The main character in that book is Hedgie the hedgehog. So anyway, now that I've needlessly defended my daughter's love of these spiny little mammals...a few weeks ago we were in Border's Bookstore and Lily spotted a stuffed hedgehog and squealed at the top of her lungs...HEDGEHOG...that's when I knew exactly what to get her for Easter! The hedgehog is so cute and is actually a hand puppet. Lily has hardly put the thing down since yesterday!

The heck with candy...give me hedgehogs!

I just love Hedgie!

Happy Easter Nai Nai! Thanks for the bunny!

We spent the afternoon at Patti's with all the family and had a great time! Lily got to participate in her first Easter egg hunt. Lily didn't care too much about finding any eggs but she sure enjoyed running around outside! Don't tell the other cousins but Lily had a little help from her uncle finding the actual eggs and really cleaned house. A few more Easter egg hunts like that and Tony and I wont have to worry about saving for Lily's college education!

And she's off....

Is this what all the fuss is about?

Mary Beth bought Lily the beautiful ivory Easter dress with small lavender flowers on it. Honestly, she looked absolutely priceless. The pictures don't do it justice! Nai Nai bought Lily the sweet pink Easter dress complete with hat and purse. Lily really thought she was 'all that' in it! I had so much fun dressing Lily in her different outfits and she was such a good sport about it! Between her "church dress", her "play dress", and then the switch to pj's for the ride home from Aunt Patti's...Lily had more wardrobe changes yesterday then Cher does during one of her concerts!

Dustin

Ryan and Dustin

Yesterday was Dustin’s funeral. It was a bright sunny day and I couldn't help but feel that nature should at least have the decency to rain. Somehow the sunshine and blue skies almost felt like an affront to me.

I don’t want to pretend that I knew Dustin better then I did. In fact, I’m closer with Ryan’s high school friends then I am with his friends from college. It makes sense. Ryan lives away from home now so I don’t see him or his friends with the frequency I once did. That being said, I spoke to one of my friends in the neighborhood and she told me she would have no idea who her nephew’s college roommates were. That’s just not how our family operates. As Patti put it, “If you are loved by one of us, you are loved by all of us.”

I can’t begin to tell you how many people were at the funeral. I just know it was hundreds and hundreds of people and so many of them were young. Young people who if life had been different would have been outside enjoying the first hints of spring, tossing a frisbee, and wearing shorts and sandals even though it’s still too cold instead of sitting in a church mourning their friend.

It was obvious by looking around the church that during Dustin’s short life he made a huge impact. Dustin touched people with his huge smile and outgoing personality. That impact did not end with his death. Through the gift of organ donation 7 people Dustin never met will also know of his generous spirit.

The priest that said Dustin’s funeral mass was one of his teachers from The Mount. His homily was amazing. He spoke with such fondness about Dustin and shared his faith in an attempt to bring comfort to all that were suffering. It is amazing the difference in a funeral service when the priest or minister truly knows the person they are speaking about.

Twenty one year old guys shouldn't have to write eulogies for their best friends…but Ryan did…and it was beautiful. It was obvious from the stories and memories that Ryan shared that he and Dustin truly loved each other. In many ways they were as different as night is from day. Yet they became unlikely roommates and then in their words even more unlikely "hetero life partners".

Dustin’s brother also shared his memories. I was so touched by his courage and strength. Even though I love my siblings beyond measure I don’t think I could ever do the same.

I keep wrestling with the feeling that I’m sadder then I have a right to be. It goes without saying that I grieve for Dustin and his family. It's just that right now it is my sweet Ryan that is breaking my heart. Selfishly I keep thinking about the fact that he is just weeks away from his college graduation...a time that should be filled with so much happiness and instead is filled with so much pain. I can only pray that with time and happy memories of Dustin Ryan will find comfort and peace.

I wish I could tell you that my faith is strong enough that I don’t question why. That is not the case. I am working on that and trying to remember…especially at this time of year…that God knows what it’s like to lose Someone precious, too.

Please continue to pray for Ryan and everyone that loved Dustin as they try to figure out where to go from here.

'Tis Himself

Sunday was the city's annual St. Patrick's Day parade. It's our family tradition to go to breakfast, mass, and attend the parade together. Some of us actually walk in the parade while others of us are mere spectators.

This year we actually had a minor celebrity amongst us. Dad was one of the Deputy Grand Marshals for the parade....complete with top hat and tails.

'Tis Himself

When we were kids (and adults, too) my mother would always say to us, "Your father is such a good looking man." To which we would respond by rolling our eyes, gagging, and shoving our fingers in our ears as far as they would go and reciting Mary Had A Little Lamb over and over again. But the truth is...she was right! I wish Mom could have been with us on Sunday. She would have been in her glory.


Lily enjoyed this parade much more then the parade for 4th of July. In fact, she kept moving her father out of the way when he was blocking her view! Honestly though it wasn't the bands, Mummers, dogs, or firetrucks that were Lily's favorite...it was the food. No, not the bag of fruit, crackers, and other snacks her father packed for her...it was Christina's sub she was after.

One year ago I was at the St. Patrick's Day Parade showing everyone that didn't move fast enough pictures of our beautiful daughter. This year we had our beautiful daughter with us! It just keeps getting better!!

Heartache

There is a small wooden box in my dresser that contains the detritus of my life. Odds and ends. Things I should probably get rid of but can't. Items that I've held onto for years...several that were obviously important at one time but I can no longer remember why. Still I keep them. Included in this box are slips of paper with quotes or sayings that have in some way touched me. One of those quotes is by Elizabeth Stone and reads:

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.

It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

I can't remember when I found this quote...but I know it was long before I ever dreamed I'd be a mother. However, now that I am it has even more meaning to me because of its simple truth.

Today would have been my mom's 71st birthday. I wish she was here so we could talk...I mean really talk. Of course, I talk to Mom all the time...it's just not a one sided conversation that I want to have. I want to ask her advice. I want to thank her. I want her to know that I finally get it...what she tried to tell me in different ways so many times...now I know what it feels like to have my heart walk around outside of my body.

Today my heart is so heavy. It is not only because I am missing my mother but because I am thinking of two other mothers...two other families...that have experienced terrible tragedies in the last several days.

I learned Monday that two of our former campers from Deaf Camp lost their 6 month old son in a devastating apartment fire. I can't begin to imagine their grief. I pray that God will comfort Shyana and Michael and bring them peace.

We also received terrible news on Sunday. Late Saturday night Dustin, my nephew Ryan's college roommate, suffered a serious head injury as a result of an accidental fall on campus. Dustin is currently on life support; however, there is no chance of recovery. Dustin will be removed from life support later tonight after his family and friends have all had an opportunity to say goodbye.

Four years ago Ryan and Dustin arrived at The Mount as track rivals from different high schools. They became roommates, team mates, and more importantly close friends. Their college graduation is less then 8 weeks away - one finish line I know they had planned to cross together.

My heart is breaking for Dustin's family, girlfriend, and friends. Please pray for them.

Please pray for my Ryan, too. Please pray for God to give him comfort, courage, and strength.

In the natural order of things we will all someday know the heartache associated with losing a parent. I pray that I...and every other parent...will never know the unimaginable anguish of losing a child.

Love At First Sight

One year ago today Tony and I saw our sweet Lily’s face for the very first time! After so many months of waiting it was absolutely indescribable to see the face of the child we had loved for so long.

During the wait to bring Lily home Tony and I had talked about what we thought Lily might look like countless times. Though we each had dreamed (both while we were awake and asleep!) about Lily neither of us had a clear picture in our mind of what we thought Lily would actually look like. We had so many questions….Would she be bald or have a full head of hair? Would she be chubby or skinny? Big or tiny? Happy or sad?

I think my biggest question really was would I feel something…anything...when I finally saw our daughter’s face. The answer is ‘YES!’ I felt something…I felt everything…I felt my heart skip a beat…I felt my breath catch in my throat…I felt hot tears pour down my face…I felt like a MOTHER looking at the face of my beautiful child for the first time. I felt blessed beyond measure!

Tony and I started off that morning by stalking the Fed Ex delivery man, John. There have been so many ‘God Things’ that have happened during our journey to and with Lily. One of those ‘God Things’ was meeting John. He shared with us that he was adopted and he was so excited to be part of our adoption experience. He was so great and was a wonderful and unexpected part of our Referral Day!

After John dropped off the package that contained the pictures of our sweet Lily Tony and I had to get lost for a few hours and let our agency process the referral information. Tony and I headed out to a nearby diner for breakfast. While we were there Mary Beth surprised us by stopping by to help us pass the time. Little did we know that we wouldn’t have long to wait. Before the food we had ordered arrived our agency called and said we could come back and see our little sweetie! When we left the restaurant we found a huge bouquet of balloons attached to our car courtesy of Mary Beth.


When we arrived at the agency we had a short wait before we could meet with Sandy, our China Coordinator. There was a young girl in the waiting room playing while her Foster Mother filled out some paperwork. She and I started talking and playing together. She asked me why we were there and I told her Tony and I were waiting to see a picture of our daughter for the first time. When we got called back to meet with Sandy my new little friend said thank you and goodbye. As I walked away she called out and said, “Miss TJ, I know you are going to be a good mommy.” Can you believe that? Another 'God Thing'. They were just the words I needed to here at that moment. That sweet little girl had me in tears before I even got into Sandy’s office.

A little angel with just the words I needed to hear.

Sandy, our China Coordinator, right after she showed us Lily's beautiful pictures!

This was the first picture we saw of our little Lily:

Tony and I stared at Lily's picture for the longest time. We looked at her sweet little face...her chubby cheeks, her beautiful smoochy lips, her sad eyes. We tried to figure out what Lily was holding in her hands…but didn’t learn until days later that it was chili peppers. Tony looked at the little outfit Lily had on and said when we brought Lily home we would definitely dress her in more girly looking outfits!

This is the second picture Sandy showed us:


Tony thought she looked like a tiny little Michelin baby. This was (and is) hands down Daddy’s favorite picture.

This is the third picture we saw of our Lily and the picture affectionately referred to in the adoption world as the mug shot:


When I saw this picture I thought that Sandy had saved the best for last. This picture absolutely touched my heart. Those beautiful brown eyes…those beautiful rosebud lips. I needed so much to kiss those beautiful lips and see those brown eyes smile! I couldn’t get to China fast enough to hold Lily in my arms!!

I had so much fun taking these pictures of Lily with her referral pictures this morning. I think I will do it every year!

Once we finished the paperwork at the agency we made about a million telephone calls. We told everyone just how beautiful our little girl was and that...No, they couldn't be the first person to see her picture!

We had invited both of our families to dinner that evening to share our wonderful news with everyone at the same time. We had made up little Chinese take out food containers with fortune cookies and a wallet size picture of Lily in her pink snowsuit. We passed out the containers and everyone opened them at the same time. You could hear a collective gasp as everyone saw our beautiful Lily for the first time. There were a lot of tears, hugs, and laughter as we all marveled at the beautiful new addition God has chosen for our family.

It was a truly wonderful, wonderful day from start to finish. I can't believe it's already been one year ago!

We had a great day today, too. I will post more about that later. I think this post is long enough...okay...too long! It's just been so much fun looking back and remembering all the happy details!

Congratulations Mommy!

Congratulations Mommy....those are the two incredible words I heard a year ago when I answered my cell phone in the middle of the Build-A-Bear Store (if you want to read about that wonderful day click this link). Two words that changed the rest of my life...forever...and for better! Receiving that amazing call was truly music to my ears!! It was really happening...Tony and I were parents!!! What a great beginning to a truly magical year!

Last year on March 6th Tony played hookey. I imagine he called his office and said something like, "I'm sorry, TJ is just too crazy for me to come to work." :-) Unfortunately, Tony couldn't play hookey with us today...but we still had a great day!

Lily and I visited Aunt Patti at her office and then went out to lunch with her. We were finally able to introduce Lily to Mr. Ernie. Ernie is a dear friend of Patti's and the sweet man that worked his computer magic to remove the staple marks from the referral pictures we received of Lily. From what I understand he also makes a mean Corn Beef and Bok Choy recipe that we'll have to try on St. Patrick's Day for our little Chirish (Chinese and Irish) girl!

After we finished lunch Patti, Lily, and I went to visit Christina at school. Christina's school has an open door policy and parents, aunts, uncles, etc. are welcome to visit at any time. Last Sunday Christina invited Lily and I to join her for lunch today. Apparently Christina has shared quite a bit with Miss Dot, one of the sweet ladies that works in the cafeteria, about Lily. Miss Dot wanted to meet Lily and from the looks of things I think about fifty 3rd graders also wanted to meet her! Patti wisely suggested we eat before we got to Christina's school for her lunch period. That was very sound advice! The cafeteria was pretty loud and crazy and there was no way Lily would have ever settled down long enough to actually eat anything. Lily was so excited to see "Tina" and Christina was equally excited to see Lily. Christina did a wonderful job of introducing Lily to Miss Dot and to all of her friends. Christina was very patient as her classmates came up one after the other and wanted to talk to Lily...I'm sure it didn't hurt that Lily only had eyes for her big cousin, "Tina"!

Me with Mommy and Tina!

Christina, do you know your mother is still holding that camera???

Aunt Pappyrazzi, I'm kissing Christina goodbye...but I can still see you...and that camera!

Lily fell sound asleep on the way home from Christina's school. I desperately needed to make a pit stop on the way home but had a sleeping baby in the car...so, what should I do?? Stop at my Dad's house, of course! It was a gorgeous day so Dad, Don, and I visited outside while Sleeping Beauty slept in the car. After Lily woke up we spent a little while visiting Dad Dad and Uncle Don. It was fun to spend time with them and Lily didn't mind the few cookies her Dad Dad slipped her!

In the late afternoon I took Lily to the Build-A-Bear store where Tony and I received "The Call" a year ago today. I think this will become part of our yearly tradition...at least until Lily's too old to want to make a stuffed animal! Unfortunately, Miss Freda, the sweet lady who helped Tony and I last year was not there. I was told that Freda had a heart attack several months ago and has not been cleared to return to work. I was so sad to hear the news. Jo, the woman who helped us today, assured me that Freda is doing well and should be back to work in about a month. I didn't mention anything to Jo about the reason for our visit today. I simply asked if Freda still worked there. After a few minutes of helping me and Lily, Jo very sweetly asked, "Are you by any chance the woman who got the call from your adoption agency while you were in our store?" Naturally, I said "YES!" She then proceeded to tell me that Freda has shared the story of Tony and I becoming parents in their store often and that Freda tells everyone that was...and will always be...her favorite day at work! Jo took a polaroid picture of Lily and put it aside to give Miss Freda when she returns to work. How sweet is that?

Of all the different animals to pick from Lily picked a polar bear. I think it was love at first sight! It was so cute to watch Lily hugging and kissing her bear. As part of the Build-A-Bear process you select a name for your stuffed animal. I chose the name Faith. Afterall, I think that is truly what helped Tony and I get through the long wait to bring Lily home!

What do you mean Miss Freda isn't here??

This evening Lily and I met Tony at PF Chang's for dinner. Last year after we received our wonderful life changing call Tony and I went to PF Chang's for a late lunch. During that lunch we laughed, cried, and dreamed about what life would be like with our sweet Lily. Nothing could have prepared us for how truly wonderful life is when your dreams come true!

Me, Daddy, and Faith!

Can somebody please tell me why Mommy has been so weepy today!

Mommy and Daddy's dream come true!

A Watched Phone Doesn't Ring

A year ago I visited the Rumor Queen site 1,000 times a day (and that is only a very slight exaggeration). That site was absolutely my life-line to what was happening in the China adoption world and I got much more useful information from there then from our actual adoption agency. On the morning of March 5th I saw the news on RQ that European agencies were stating that October 24th was the cut-off. WE WERE IN!!!! YIPPEE YAHOO!!!!

I spent the remainder of the day waiting for "the call"...and waiting...and waiting. As the day wore on more and more of my cyber friends were posting their wonderful news and some even had pictures of their beautiful babies to share. It was such an exciting and emotional day. We had waited so long together and we had formed such a great support network that it was fun to share in their joy. However, the closer we got to the end of the day...and still the phone didn't ring...I started to get really nervous and had a very sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Our agency did warn us that sometimes they received referrals a day or two after the bigger agencies but I still worried....I mean...I am TJ afterall! Since I had anticipated getting "the call" I had taken the day off of work. There was no way I wanted to be interpreting and not be able to take "the call" when it finally came in! The way I viewed it I was in labor!!

When Tony and I knew we were getting close...really, really close to receiving Lily's referral we decided not to share that fact with our family and friends until we knew something definitive. We had so many people strapped in this crazy emotional rollercoaster with us for so long that we thought we would try and spare them a few of the ups and downs. That idea was great in theory. There was one huge snag though....when you talk to your sisters 10 times a day and you know you're about to be a mom at any second...it's really hard to keep that to yourself...but somehow I did!

As the day came to a close and the phone hadn't rang I was pretty emotional...okay...a lot emotional! After a few glasses of wine and a pretty good cry I actually did sleep that night. It's a good thing I did because the next day was a REALLY exciting and wonderful day! I will post more about that tomorrow. For now, here are a few pictures from our trip to the library today.

A Sleepless Night

You mean I kept you up nights even before I came home??

One year ago tonight I didn't sleep a wink...literally. From all the rumors swirling around on the Rumor Queen site I knew that chances were very good that the next day I would find out if our Log In Date (10.18.05) was included in the batch of referrals that were sent from the China Center of Adoption Affairs. Could we really be less than 24 hours away from seeing Lily's beautiful face?? The thought of that was just too much for me to bear!

As you all know by now we were included...Thank God! Now that a year has passed and we are no longer on the incredibly emotional rollercoaster I've actually been having fun going back and reading my blog entries from this time last year. It was such a crazy, stressful, exciting time...and without a doubt worth every second of it!

Looking Back

It's March already. Somehow I just can't believe it. As we approach the 1 year anniversary (March 9) of receiving Lily's referral I have been spending a lot of time thinking back to this time last year. I was really crazy back then...I'm talking major league crazy...in desperate need of an extended stay at the Ha Ha Hotel kind of crazy.

What I remember most was crying all the time, sleeping very little, and drinking a lot of red wine. I think that pretty much sums up my existence back then. I tortured myself with the 'What Ifs'. You know...What if somehow our paperwork got lost? What if somehow we're skipped? What if? What if? What if? Hence the tears, insomnia, and drinking!

I wish somehow I could have known that just 1 year later I would be feeding our sweet daughter lunch and trying (unsuccessfully) to explain to her why her stuffed bear did not want to eat part of her beanbito (bean burrito).

Mommy, can I give my bear just one bite?

It is absolutely amazing the difference a year has made! I still cry from time to time...but now they're happy tears. I still have sleepless nights from time to time...but now they're spent comforting our sweet Lily. I still drink red wine from time to time...but now it's not on a nightly basis!