Excuse Me - Part Two

Okay...so Tony was not really happy with my last post. He came to me after he read it and said that people come here not to read that kind of stuff but to read about what Lily is up to and see some cute pictures of her. Interesting he never mentioned that after I wrote mushy posts about him ;-). Tony was also concerned that someday Lily made read this blog and how would she feel about that post.

Here are a few more thoughts and then I promise I'll let it drop (for now):

It's true someday Lily might read this blog. Unfortunately, by the time she is old enough to read this I imagine she will have heard and had to answer many of the questions/comments I included in the post so it will not be new information for her. Hopefully, by that time we will have had countless discussions on how to handle answering/not answering questions and comments.

I trust you all know that I would never slap a waitress (or anyone for that matter) and I'm quite certain the guy in North Carolina had not had a lobotomy. It's just some days the questions and comments really hit a nerve...other times not so much. Obviously, on the day I wrote the original post my nerves were a little raw!

Tony and I know that we are a transracial/transcultural family. A fact we recognize and plan to celebrate. However, when we look at Lily we see our funny, sweet, smart, willful, beautiful daughter. We don't look at Lily and see our "Chinese daughter". Does that make sense? I think sometimes we both forget that we are a conspicuous family.

However, we are quickly reminded when a stranger comes up and asks us an inappropriate question or makes an inappropriate comment. These incidents take away from the 'ordinary family' time we are having. A perfect example of this is what happened at the ice cream stand in North Carolina. We had just arrived at the Outer Banks and went to one of our favorite places to wait until our rental home was ready. My sisters, nieces, nephews...all of us...were standing together talking about what a great week we would have and reminiscing about past years...then a guy walks up and says, "I just have to ask...." See what I mean? So, we go from talking, laughing and carrying on with each other to having to field really personal, intrusive questions. It really changes the tone of the time we are having and sometimes it's just not okay.

I agree with Eileen's comment from my previous post that the term biological when referring to Lily's Birth Mother is too clinical. I am new to using "Adoption Language" and I am still feeling my way. Honestly, I tend to use First Mother more than anything. Lily was not immediately placed in foster care after she was born. For a time she was cared for by her first family and then she was placed with her foster family. It may seem awkward to say First Mother but it seems more accurate than Birth Mother. So, does that make Lily's Foster Mother her Second Mother and me her Third Mother? Yes, it does. I am. That's okay because more importantly I am her Forever Mother and we are each other's Forever Family.

To keep Tony happy I thought I better add a picture to this post ;-). We both just love how Lily hooks her toes on the bottom of her highchair tray....and what about that bed head? Couldn't you just eat her up? We do!