Before Christmas Lily and I were in line at Target. There was a friendly woman in line behind us and we struck up a conversation. Everything was going along smoothly until the woman said to me, "She's so cute. Is she yours or is she adopted?"
With a smile on my face I very politely answered, "She's both!"
I have to tell you I felt like saying a whole lot more than that! Like...come on! Are you kidding me??? Please think before you open your mouth! Especially in front of my very sensitive, intuitive, and sharp little sweetie!
When we got in the car Lily asked me, "What did that lady mean...is she yours or is she adopted?"
Try answering that question on the spot!
I put on my best game face and told Lily that some people are just curious about adoptive families and that's why they ask questions. To which Lily said, "Like when people ask where I was born?"
Yikes! Lily really doesn't miss a thing. She is extremely perceptive.
The important thing for me to remember is that Lily is not only hearing the questions people ask, but also how I answer...or don't answer them.
Don't get me wrong, I don't ignore people if they ask me a question I feel is inappropriate. I do, however, sometimes choose to answer "Why do you ask?" or "Wow. I'm surprised you would ask that."
Several adoptive parents have told me that's how they answer intrusive questions. I was nervous to try it, but so far that approach has been pretty effective in either stopping the conversation or steering it in another direction.
I know the vast majority of people are not trying to be rude or intrusive...they're just curious. So, I do my best to handle these interactions politely. It's just that some days it's a lot harder than others.
On a lighter note, here are some very sweet pictures my friend's husband took of Lily late this fall.
1 comment:
I love the pictures!! they are so cute!!!
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