Today, Lily and I attended another great class at the State Park and then met Dad for lunch. While we were sitting at the table eating this is the conversation Lily and I had:
Mommy, you know what I was wondering?
No sweetie. What?
I was wondering if Miss Erica is my birth mother.
Oh...um...no honey. She's not. Um...what makes you wonder if Miss Erica's your birth mother?
Oh, Miss Erica looks Chinese and so do I.
You're right. I'm sure your birth mother looks like you, too.
Um Mommy, can I have more parmesan cheese?
At that moment time stood still. I tried desperately not to change my facial expression or tone of voice. I failed miserably! I immediately wanted to go back and change my answers. I wanted to take the shock out of my voice. Somehow sound more open, more confident, more something.
With what I can only imagine was a panic-stricken look on my face I looked across the table at Dad. He hadn't heard the particulars of Lily and my conversation, but I'm sure the tears in my eyes spoke volumes.
I guess I shouldn't have been as surprised as I was by Lily's question. Over the last several weeks Lily has been talking a lot about the things that are "different" between us. She has been asking questions about why the color of our skin is different, why our eye color is different, why other people's eyes/skin/hair is different. You get the idea.
I've posted about Erica and her family before. They are second generation Chinese American and live just a few streets away from us. We've gotten to be pretty good friends and we see them quite a bit. In fact, not only is Erica's daughter Sydney in Lily's Ballet and Books class they were also at the State Park this morning.
Simply put, I think when Lily looks at Erica she sees the things that are the "same" and that led to her question at lunch.
Even if I may not always be ready, I pray that Lily will always come to me with her questions and that with time and practice I will become better equipped to answer them.
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