Don't Let The Sun Set On Your Anger

I wrote this post quite a while ago and then couldn't bring myself to push the "publish" button. This blog is supposed to be about our life with Lily. This post isn't. It is a post about a sadness and deep regret that I have carried in my heart for more than 6 years and always will.

My hope was by writing this down it would help me to move past it. I haven't.

This post is personal. Maybe too personal.

Today would have been my mom's 72nd birthday. Since this post is about me and Mom I thought I would go ahead and post it now. Maybe it will prevent someone else from making the same mistake we did.

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Mom and I had a complicated relationship. We loved each other deeply and we drove each other crazy. Sadly, we often did not bring out the best in each other.

Mom and I had heated arguments, but as a rule we didn't stay angry with each other for long. It's just not what we did.

Like every good rule there are always exceptions. Unfortunately, for me and Mom, the time we chose to stay angry with each other happened just before she died.

The agrument we had was ugly. Really ugly.

We didn't speak after that.

I have always called my parents every night at 9:00. I didn't.

We went on family vacation. Normally, Mom and I would have a nightly Scrabble competition. We didn't.

The Thursday after we returned home from vacation Mom had a heart attack. We still hadn't spoken.

Mom lived for two weeks after she had that heart attack. She was intubated the entire time and couldn't speak.

I tried to speak for both of us. I couldn't.

Before you let the sun set on your anger take a minute to think about the possibility that you may not have another opportunity to make things right. Mom and I didn't.

God, how I wish we had.