Recently, Lily has begun to ask a lot of questions about her life in China. Most of the questions have been of the: Did I know how to walk in China?...Did I have teeth in China?...variety. Then the other day I overheard Lily talking to her imaginary cat. This is what she said, "You were born in China and then came to Mare Ka so we could be a family."
I don't feel like we talk about the fact that we are an adoptive family very often...but obviously Lily is taking in everything she hears!
In answer to Lily's question I simply and honestly said, "We don't know your First Mommy's name." Lily seemed more than satisfied with that answer...but I'm still shaken by the question...or more truthfully my inability to answer it.
In the shower this morning I had tears running down my face thinking of all the questions that lay ahead that we won't be able to answer for our sweet Lily.
1 comment:
TJ, you gave the exactly correct answer: the truth. Always answer truthfully. And when the inevitable questions you cannot answer come up (along with some you may be able to answer but really don't want to), remember that you can always truthfully say, "That is someone else's story and I really cannot speak for her or him." Both boys were told they were adopted from day one. One of their bedtime stories was our part of the story of their adoptions. I told them I would never presume to be able to speak for their birthparents but I would say that I thought it was a very loving thing to do to find a family for a child you felt you could not raise and that I was very grateful their birthparents chose us to be their forever parents. One of my sons has shown no interest at all in his birth parents. The other has struggled most of his life with the question 'Why wasn't I valuable enough to keep?' How Lily thinks and feels about her adoption will be one of the many issues you will have absolutely no control over no matter what you do. Welcome to parenting! I remember the day my oldest son first asked about his birth mother and I had the exact reaction you did. (Loved the description of the air being sucked out of the room - that is just what happened to me, too!) After being an adoptive mom for - gulp! - 25 years now, please let me reassure you that you are doing just fine. Keep up the good work and I'll keep you in my prayers - you're gonna need 'em! ;-)
Love,
Cousin Eileen
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