Some Days Are Just Harder Than Others

Yesterday marked 3 months since Dad died. How can that possibly be??? I miss him so terribly much. Sometimes I still find that I truly can't breathe. It's as if for some reason my body suddenly realizes - as if for the first time - that Dad is really gone.

Don't worry. I'm not completely crazy...only half! It's true. Since Dad died I've had some really bad days and some really good days...and sometimes both occur in the exact same day!

Yesterday I woke up missing Dad. One of the first thoughts that crossed my mind was, "I've gotta call Dad." Nothing new there. Up until November 15th I had never gone 3 days - much less 3 months - without talking to Dad. In fact, Dad and I normally spoke daily. Some days it would just be a quick, "Hi. How are you?" other days it would be a long, laugh-filled, storytelling session. Either way it always brought me such peace to just hear his sweet voice.

Yesterday afternoon Lily and I ran out to Dad's so I could do a quick errand. After we left Dad's we stopped at a little restaurant nearby for a late lunch. The waitress who waited on us was a waitress that used to work at the restaurant where Mom, Dad, Tony, and I had breakfast on Sunday mornings years and years ago.

Rita, the waitress, and I looked at each other a few minutes before we could remember where we knew each other from. Rita told me that she had heard that Mom died "several years ago" and couldn't believe it when I told her it had been over 9 years. Naturally, the next thing Rita asked was how was Dad. When I told Rita that Dad had died her eyes quickly filled with tears and in the course of talking about what had happened to Dad Rita shared that her husband's best friend had just died the day before after a brief but terrible illness.

As soon as Rita said her husband's best friend's name my ears started ringing and the tears began flowing. You see, it's not a name you hear frequently. However, it was a name we heard daily in our home when I was growing up - the name of Mary Beth's high school/college sweetheart.

To refer to Booty as simply Mary Beth's high school/college sweetheart does him a huge disservice. Booty was so much more than that - he was truly part of our family. Booty was at our house much more than he was ever at his own. He is part of so many of my favorite childhood memories. Mom and Dad adored Booty...we all did.

As it turned out Booty was not the "right" guy for Mary Beth. However, I do think he was definitely the right first boyfriend. Booty wasn't perfect, but he did set the bar pretty high for how a boy should treat a girl. That not only made a lasting impression on Mary Beth...but on me and Patti too.

When Mary Beth called off her engagement to Booty I was *FURIOUS* with her. Truly. In fact, I seriously thought I would never speak to Mary Beth again. Not only that, I planned to keep her engagement ring, marry Booty, and not invite Mary Beth to the wedding! I only wish I were kidding!! I was so angry at Mary Beth I vowed to never like another guy she dated. Ever. Of course, that was before Mary Beth met Ed! I mean, how could you not like Ed????

As I sat there in the restaurant with tears flowing I felt so bad for poor Rita. She had absolutely no way of knowing that I knew Booty and that my tears were not only for him...but for Mom and Dad...for childhood memories...for time that sometimes moves too fast...and for some days that are just harder than others.