Heartbreakingly Sad. Heartwarmingly Dad. Part 2

After Dad was extubated we all came back into his room. We were all pretty quiet and I think it's safe to say more than a little bit nervous. Dad very quickly set the tone in the room by saying, "Somebody get me a Smithwicks!‬”

Talk about easing the tension. We all had a good laugh...including Dad! Dad's sweet doctor told us he wouldn't mind a bit if someone wanted to go out and bring Dad back a beer. Dad had to assure the doctor he was only teasing!

We then all had time to talk with Dad. I'm sure I don't remember everything Dad said, but I do remember just being so happy to hear his beautiful voice.

Although I'm quite certain there wasn't a person in that room who didn't want to cry and beg Dad not to go it was pretty much impossible to do this with Dad happily chatting and cracking jokes.

I think the doctors were convinced that Dad was going to have some issues with anxiety once he was extubated. There were several syringes of some rather heavy hitting drugs sitting right on the table next to Dad. Dad didn't need them, but I think a few of us in the room sure could've used them!

Dad shared with us how he had started not feeling well around 3:00 am and he had gotten up and went out to the living room. Dad waited until the newspaper had been delivered and one of his neighbors had left for work before he called 911. Dad didn't say this exactly, but I got the distinct impression Dad didn't want to call 911 "too early."

Dad told us that we didn't have to worry because he had had a doctor with him the entire time. When we questioned Dad about this he shared that the Pet Psychiatrist who lives across the street..."who lets her animals out to take a whiz at all hours of the night"...had come over as soon as the ambulance arrived. We all had a good laugh about that and then gave Dad a hard time about why he knew when his neighbors let their animals out to "take a whiz"!

Dad assured us that the paramedics and the doctors at Howard County had taken wonderful care of him. Dad again apologized for not calling us after he had called 911, but he didn't know that they would keep his line open.

In the time that we had with Dad we talked about everything and nothing. We cried some...prayed some...and laughed quite a bit.

Speaking of praying, at one point when Dad was resting we were all standing around his bed praying and he opened his eyes and said, "Now, that's enough of that!" Again, that got quite a laugh.

Dad had all kind of monitors hooked to him. The nurses tried to expand the parameters that would cause the monitors to alarm, but occasionally the alarms would still sound. All of us in the room would get a little panicky when that happened, but not Dad. Nope. When the alarms would sound Dad would pretend to answer his cell phone!

I have no idea how Dad was able to keep his sense of humor when he knew his death was imminent...but he did...and that was such a blessing! Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of tears shed by everyone...including Dad...but there was also plenty of laughter. Again, as Mary Beth said it truly was the Best Worst Day.

Dad wanted to know where and what all his grandkids were doing. He was concerned that I needed to leave to get Lily from school...and what about Beanie? If Dave and Patti were at the hospital what was Beanie doing?

Dad didn't want us to bother the kids that were in school because they should be focusing on their studies.

When Clare and Ryan walked in Dad's room you could see Dad got a little upset. Then we realized it was because Dad thought they had cut their honeymoon short. When Dad found out that Ryan and Clare had gotten home (as scheduled) the night before all was well with his world again.

Dad shook hands and chatted with James and then remembered he owed James some back pay for a couple of days James had worked for him. James assured Dad Dad that he didn't owe him anything, but Dad wanted to make sure we remembered to pay him. I tell you that man was a funny little squirrel.

Dad was also concerned when Katie arrived because he knew she had an exam that day. After Katie told Dad Dad that she had taken the exam before leaving school Dad Dad let her stay ;-).

Dad talked to Sadie on the telephone from Montana. It must have been very confusing for Sadie because Dad sounded great! Dad was sweet with Sadie on the phone and told her to stay in school and get good grades. He also told her not to come home for his funeral because her studies were more important. Did I mention what a funny man he was?!?

As more of us gathered in Dad's hospital room Dad looked around and asked us how many cars we had driven to the hospital. Dad was worried about how much it was going to cost all of us for parking! That sweet thing wanted us to go to the Parking Office and get discounted parking coupons...and he wanted us to take the money from his wallet to pay for them!!!

Honestly. The man is only hours away from dying and he is worrying about how much we are going to pay to park and he wants to be sure we take out his recycling?!?! When those are the types of things you are worried about on your deathbed I think it's a sign of a life well lived!

Dad was so much himself it was almost easy to believe that what the doctor had told us was wrong. Heartbreakingly, there began to be signs that the balloon pump that was in Dad's heart was failing.

The doctor came in and talked to Dad and let him know that the balloon pump was not going to be able to sustain him much longer and that when Dad was ready, they would have to remove the pump.

Dad shook the doctor's hand and thanked him for keeping him alive long enough for his family to get to the hospital. Needless to say, I don't think that is what the doctor expected! The doctor's eyes filled with tears and the doctor told Dad it had been his privilege to take care of Dad and that he had been blessed by doing so. Needless to say...that's not what Dad...or we...expected to hear!!!

After the doctor left the room Dad asked us when we thought would be a good time to remove the pump. Seriously, Dad???? Um, how about never??? Maybe 20 years from now??? How could there possibly ever be a good time???

When we asked Dad when he thought he'd be ready Dad shrugged his shoulders. It was a gesture he did many times throughout that day. It seemed to say, "What are you gonna do??" That gesture, coupled with Dad's sweet facial expression, was so like Grandmom Waters it was amazing.

Honestly, I don't remember exactly when Dad decided he was ready. I know several times throughout the day Dad asked what time it was. I'm not sure if Dad had a specific time in mind or not.

Oddly, the doctor that had inserted the pump at Howard County in the morning was now at Hopkins in the afternoon and would be removing the same pump he had inserted that morning. I'm sure doctors are faced with these types of situations daily, but I couldn't help feeling how strange it must've been for the doctor to rush to insert the pump in the morning to save Dad's life and then to turn around and remove it to end Dad's life.

When Dad was ready for the doctors to remove the pump each of us spoke to him briefly and then left the room. Before Patti left she said to Dad, "Dad, promise me you won't go anywhere until I get back." Dad told Patti that she didn't want to go where he was going next. When Patti assured Dad that she REALLY, REALLY did want to go where he was going Dad said in the most deadpan voice, "You want to go to the morgue????"

I know that it's gallows humor, but it is amazing to me how many times Dad used humor that day to help ease the tension and sadness in the room. He was an amazing father and truly parented us until his very last breath. When I think about how differently those hours could've gone I realize what a tremendous gift Dad and God gave us.

The pump removal procedure took a lot longer than I anticipated and I was so afraid that Dad had died with none of us in the room.

When we came back into the room it was obvious that Dad had changed dramatically. It was more difficult for him to breath and he was sweating profusely. Dad asked for some ice chips and some morphine and then he was quiet.

Dad was no longer able to speak to us, but we spoke to him. We played Irish music, told funny stories, prayed, cried, and laughed.

Don left the room to call his children to tell them about Dad. When Don came back in the room he gave Dad kisses from Maggie and Charlie and told Dad how much they loved him. At that moment, Don's cell phone rang. It was Maggie. She wanted to talk to her Dad Dad. Unfortunately, Dad wasn't able to speak to Maggie, but I believe he heard every word she said. After Maggie finished talking to Dad Dad she told him she loved him and then Don took the phone away from Dad's ear. It was literally at that moment that Dad went to be with God and Mom.

Dad's transition from this world to the next was beautiful. I do not believe that Dad wanted to die. He loved life...he loved his life. However, when Dad knew his death was inevitable he handled it like he handled everything in his life - with love, with humor, and with grace.

In a world where it seems there are fewer and fewer people to emulate Dad provided everyone who knew him with a role model worth looking up to - right up until the moment of his last breath.

For me, Dad was larger than life. The hole in my heart his death has left behind is gaping. As I struggle to adjust to life without Dad's earthly presence, I am trying to be mindful of the beautiful example he set throughout his life. I know exactly what Dad expects me to do - now I just need to figure out how to do it.