Sandy was lamenting that this would be her last time on a preschool pumpkin patch field trip. Then, it hit me...this would be my last time on a preschool pumpkin patch field trip. As silly as it may sound, Sandy and I literally sat in the back of the hay wagon with tears in our eyes.
For more than 35 years I was "child-free" and perfectly happy. Then, something happened. "It" happened. Almost overnight I went from being child-free to child-less. It truly was as simple and as complicated as that.
When I began to see myself as a mother I thought we would have 2 or maybe 3 children. I never really thought about having an only child. Never.
I am absolutely CRAZY about my siblings. For me, having sisters and a brother means I have built-in best friends. Friends that really get me. Friends that share my past and my memories and friends with whom I look forward to sharing my future.
I definitely wanted my children to have that same experience. I wanted them to have childhood playmates and adult confidants. One day I wanted my children to be able to call each other and say, "Isn't Mom crazy??? Can you believe she wore that outfit out of the house??? What was she thinking????" You get the idea.
For a few years we have looked into different options to grow our family. Changes in China's adoption program, our increasing ages, the uncertainty of fostering to adopt in our state, and lots of praying has lead us to believe we are meant to be a family of 3.
Trust me, I know just how blessed we are. Lily is truly a dream come true. She has made my experience as a mother so much more than I ever dared to believe it would be. I also know that if we had more children it doesn't mean that they would have the same relationship I share with my siblings.
I think it's just going to take some time for my heart to accept what my head already knows.
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