Heartache

There is a small wooden box in my dresser that contains the detritus of my life. Odds and ends. Things I should probably get rid of but can't. Items that I've held onto for years...several that were obviously important at one time but I can no longer remember why. Still I keep them. Included in this box are slips of paper with quotes or sayings that have in some way touched me. One of those quotes is by Elizabeth Stone and reads:

Making the decision to have a child is momentous.

It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.

I can't remember when I found this quote...but I know it was long before I ever dreamed I'd be a mother. However, now that I am it has even more meaning to me because of its simple truth.

Today would have been my mom's 71st birthday. I wish she was here so we could talk...I mean really talk. Of course, I talk to Mom all the time...it's just not a one sided conversation that I want to have. I want to ask her advice. I want to thank her. I want her to know that I finally get it...what she tried to tell me in different ways so many times...now I know what it feels like to have my heart walk around outside of my body.

Today my heart is so heavy. It is not only because I am missing my mother but because I am thinking of two other mothers...two other families...that have experienced terrible tragedies in the last several days.

I learned Monday that two of our former campers from Deaf Camp lost their 6 month old son in a devastating apartment fire. I can't begin to imagine their grief. I pray that God will comfort Shyana and Michael and bring them peace.

We also received terrible news on Sunday. Late Saturday night Dustin, my nephew Ryan's college roommate, suffered a serious head injury as a result of an accidental fall on campus. Dustin is currently on life support; however, there is no chance of recovery. Dustin will be removed from life support later tonight after his family and friends have all had an opportunity to say goodbye.

Four years ago Ryan and Dustin arrived at The Mount as track rivals from different high schools. They became roommates, team mates, and more importantly close friends. Their college graduation is less then 8 weeks away - one finish line I know they had planned to cross together.

My heart is breaking for Dustin's family, girlfriend, and friends. Please pray for them.

Please pray for my Ryan, too. Please pray for God to give him comfort, courage, and strength.

In the natural order of things we will all someday know the heartache associated with losing a parent. I pray that I...and every other parent...will never know the unimaginable anguish of losing a child.