Dustin

Ryan and Dustin

Yesterday was Dustin’s funeral. It was a bright sunny day and I couldn't help but feel that nature should at least have the decency to rain. Somehow the sunshine and blue skies almost felt like an affront to me.

I don’t want to pretend that I knew Dustin better then I did. In fact, I’m closer with Ryan’s high school friends then I am with his friends from college. It makes sense. Ryan lives away from home now so I don’t see him or his friends with the frequency I once did. That being said, I spoke to one of my friends in the neighborhood and she told me she would have no idea who her nephew’s college roommates were. That’s just not how our family operates. As Patti put it, “If you are loved by one of us, you are loved by all of us.”

I can’t begin to tell you how many people were at the funeral. I just know it was hundreds and hundreds of people and so many of them were young. Young people who if life had been different would have been outside enjoying the first hints of spring, tossing a frisbee, and wearing shorts and sandals even though it’s still too cold instead of sitting in a church mourning their friend.

It was obvious by looking around the church that during Dustin’s short life he made a huge impact. Dustin touched people with his huge smile and outgoing personality. That impact did not end with his death. Through the gift of organ donation 7 people Dustin never met will also know of his generous spirit.

The priest that said Dustin’s funeral mass was one of his teachers from The Mount. His homily was amazing. He spoke with such fondness about Dustin and shared his faith in an attempt to bring comfort to all that were suffering. It is amazing the difference in a funeral service when the priest or minister truly knows the person they are speaking about.

Twenty one year old guys shouldn't have to write eulogies for their best friends…but Ryan did…and it was beautiful. It was obvious from the stories and memories that Ryan shared that he and Dustin truly loved each other. In many ways they were as different as night is from day. Yet they became unlikely roommates and then in their words even more unlikely "hetero life partners".

Dustin’s brother also shared his memories. I was so touched by his courage and strength. Even though I love my siblings beyond measure I don’t think I could ever do the same.

I keep wrestling with the feeling that I’m sadder then I have a right to be. It goes without saying that I grieve for Dustin and his family. It's just that right now it is my sweet Ryan that is breaking my heart. Selfishly I keep thinking about the fact that he is just weeks away from his college graduation...a time that should be filled with so much happiness and instead is filled with so much pain. I can only pray that with time and happy memories of Dustin Ryan will find comfort and peace.

I wish I could tell you that my faith is strong enough that I don’t question why. That is not the case. I am working on that and trying to remember…especially at this time of year…that God knows what it’s like to lose Someone precious, too.

Please continue to pray for Ryan and everyone that loved Dustin as they try to figure out where to go from here.