Ok, ok, I've got to be honest I'm addicted to the Rumor Queen site (http://www.chinaadopttalk.com/). There. I've admitted it. Isn't that the first step in healing?
To those of you that don't know about the Rumor Queen here's the scoop. RQ is an adoptive mother that runs a site related to adoption from China. RQ is currently waiting for her second daughter from China. As the name indicates RQ gathers rumors but also much more than that. RQ compiles rumors, stats, facts, information related to adoption, travel to China, etc. The site also contains a forum to discuss a variety of adoption related topics. Part of the forum is dedicated to LID (log in date) groups. I've really enjoyed having a place to chat with other folks who also have an October 2005 LID.
Here's the problem. Our agency, my sisters, and Tony tell me to stay off the Internet. Don't go to adoption boards, rumor sites, etc. But, come on....how can I not? It's not like I get any real information from our agency. Don't get me wrong our agency is fine...just not a wealth of information.
Imagine if you were pregnant and each time you went to the OB they kept moving your due date further out. At the start of your pregnancy you assumed you would be pregnant for 9 months. However, after the first trimester the doctor tells you there has been a change and now you need to be pregnant for 10 months. Not exactly what you want to hear but you can live with it.
During the second trimester you visit the doctor and the doctor says, "Oops. We've had another change of plans. Now you will need to be pregnant for a year. Now don't get upset. Stay busy and keep your chin up. Use this time wisely."
The big one year mark is fast approaching and you visit the doctor. You are a little hesitant about another change in plans but you think surely 12 months is long enough. However, when the doctor enters the room you are greeted with, "No. Not yet. Let's give it a few more months. You just need to be patient. Stop worrying. Don't focus on the wait. Continue to live your life. Perhaps you could start a project. Clean out closets. Take a trip. Take dance lessons. Whatever you do don't let the wait consume your life."
I'm assuming by that point you would feel like I feel now. Frustrated. I want information. I want to feel connected with other people who are experiencing the same thing I am. I want to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I want to share in other adoptive families happiness as they go to China to bring home their children. Doing this makes this process seem more "real".
I just can't sit, wait, and do nothing. I need to feel like I'm involved in some way. The Internet provides me with that opportunity. I know there is a down side. I know the emotional roller coaster is not good for me. However, I truly believe the Internet is more of a positive than a negative in my life. Besides, I'm not worried. I know the minute I have Lily in my arms my Internet addiction will be cured!
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